MY URBAN KVETCH

How to Feed Jews Up to Age 40

Anyone trying to program for and engage Jews in their 20s and 30s understands some of the challenges: different levels of interest in Jewish content, different educational backgrounds, the fact that rarely do traditional structures or denominations hold the resonance we may be looking for in our connections to Jewish life and identity.

But did you know that Jews under 40 actually eat differently than those over 40? I did not, until reading a press release from Kosherfest, which invades the Meadowlands this week:

Most probably your mother’s kosher kitchen didn’t contain Chorizo Mexican style sausage, Sangria in a box or sriracha sauce……fast forward to 2010, where today’s kosher pantry reflects the gourmet tastes and health conscious diets of the under 40 set. There’s even a new Kosher iPhone app.

We can eat iPhone apps now? Rad. And as for sangria in a box, I think I speak for us all in saying, that's what every under 40-something's been clamoring for. I do prefer my sangria in a small box, like a juice box or perhaps in a Capri Sun-style pouch, as they freeze extremely well and are portable - perfect for my busy lifestyle.

According to Menachem Lubinsky, founder and co-producer of the largest and longest running kosher food trade show, Kosherfest, “With 60% of the market believed to be under the age of 40, the kosher food industry is producing gourmet and enhanced food products. At the same time, it is producing an unprecedented number of gluten-free, spelt, organic and natural foods, a reflection of a growing health consciousness by all classes of consumers.”

So another reason to look forward to 40? I imagine a ceremony, in which late 30-somethings trade in their organic, natural or gluten-free foods and the class of most-recently aged 40-somethings step forward and present the newbies with honorary knishes, pointing them toward a table of deli meats and potato salad, as well as a panel of doctors shaking their heads disapprovingly.

All kidding  aside, I'm sure that there are some really awesome products at Kosherfest this year. If anyone goes, please report on your favorites. I'm particularly curious about VEGETALI Vegetarian Hot Dog in a Blanket (at Booth 311), and as to whether it more resembles the franks-in-blankets of many an hors d'oeuvre cocktail hour, or more like the corn dog, kosher versions of which still somehow evade us. Send us your reports!

Sunday Gun-Day at Pico & Robertson

Rejected titles for this post include: Welcome to the Gun Show; Decaf Mocha Rifle Latte; No Foam, No Whip; and others...

If you ever watched 24, you know that Jack Bauer was always setting up perimeters. I personally loved it when he barked at the young CTU agents that they needed to set up a perimeter and wait for his orders. It was his way of cordoning off an area as a danger zone (cue the Kenny Loggins). But did you ever wonder what it felt like to be inside the perimeter? Well, welcome to the gun show.

All I wanted was a change of scenery and a latte on a Sunday morning. And I ended up inside the perimeter, as our friendly neighborhood Starbucks was nearly surrounded by "black-and-whites" (slang for police cars, if "Law & Order" and every other crime procedural on TV is to be believed). The cars pulled up to the curb on Robertson, just north of Pico, and I watched (along with about 25 other caffeinated customers) as the cops got out, dashed around the sides of the car to the trunk, pulled out rifles or shotguns or some other artillery, donned Kevlar vests and crouched, ready for their orders.

The two baristas, two Israeli students who had been sitting at the same table with me, and I ran to the back of the store, away from the windows that cover the entire corner arc of Pico to Robertson. Everyone else seemed to think it was a better idea to run TOWARD the windows. You know, to see what's happening, but also to potentially see how bulletproof the glass is. I tweeted at the back of the store and updated my Facebook status: 

Guns in pico robertson in daylight; am safe inside starbucks, but the cops keep pulling up and unloading shotguns. I am guessing zombies.

I give myself points for using a semi-colon and keeping my sense of humor, but deduct points for not capping "Starbucks" or "Pico-Robertson." Also, if I'd had time to self-edit, I would have gone with "My guess? Zombies." 

The baristas locked us in, as much to keep us safe from any potential gunfire as to keep out the hot-coffee-seeking people who were still steadily streaming into the store as if there weren't cops with guns drawn surrounding us. But there was something very claustrophobic about being locked inside a Starbucks. Eventually the baristas realized they couldn't lock us in - that it was a smarter idea to close the store entirely until the situation had subsided. So that's what they did - basically telling us to leave.  

I walked out the side door with about five other bewildered people. We squinted at the sunlight and tried to figure out where we could go, because we couldn't go home and we couldn't stay here. I was on foot, so I hoofed it north, quickly, as a helicopter hovered overhead like a giant mosquito that I wouldn't try to swat.

But as I left the corner, I tweeted, which became the central piece of information in a report on LAist, to date the only publication online to mention it (mostly because the editor follows me on Twitter). I walked fast in the opposite direction - stopping for frozen yogurt at Toppings and then continuing north and east to the Old Navy at Beverly and La Cienega. So much for journalistic instincts about getting the story and finding out what happened. Christiane Amanpour...your job is safe. I fled the scene - when the going got tough, the tough went shopping.

As I continued to check in via social media, I learned different pieces of information - unverified, of course. It might have been a break-in gone bad; the perp might have been heavily armed; there might have been a hostage situation. All "might," because no one had any real information - it was all hearsay.

Several days later, there's still no report of it in any official news medium. It's almost like the whole thing was a dream. Some of my friends are still convinced it was a film - I maintain that you can't do that to the population of a neighborhood on a Sunday unless you warn them: posting signs, specifically getting permission from local business owners, etc. Los Angeles must have rules about such things.

Another disturbing moment: apparently Entertainment Weekly writer Michael Ausiello (@michaelausiello on Twitter) was across the street from me and we didn't get a chance to schmooze about how jealous I am of his work for EW. 

But I found myself shaking my head in wonder - I lived in New York for a decade, and have been to Israel myriad times (I'm convinced that the US State Department has the warning against visiting Israel laminated and hanging on a wall). I've walked through some sketchy neighborhoods at night, worked on the edge of Harlem, and been on the NYC subways during hours when no one should be awake, let alone underground. But it turned out that the least safe place to be was at the busiest intersection in my largely Jewish neighborhood, around 12:15 pm on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon. The words "who knew?" don't even begin to cover it.

But I guess that's the human variable at work - it's not really the neighborhood, and not inherently the night time that's dangerous. A felon can just as easily leave his or her "bad neighborhood" and perpetrate crimes elsewhere, during the day, in broad daylight. Or as one of our IT people used to say at MTV Networks, "there's only one problem with computers: they're made by humans."

You can read my briefly tweeted reports (yes, that means me as human, using smartphone as computer, and then being the sole source of information from the scene) here. Were you there? Do you know what happened? Feel free to share your reports.

The First Rule of Babka Club...

The first rule of Babka Club? You don't talk about Babka Club. 

And the second rule of Babka Club: Why shouldn't you talk about Babka Club? What are you, crazy? It's a club, about babka. Besides, "if you don't join Babka Club, you must be meshugga!"

If you're like me, you always found yourself never wondering, why is there a wine, or beer club, but no club devoted to the "sweet, spongey yeast cake that is rolled, twisted and baked in a round pan"? Well, now - thanks to the Continental Kosher Bakery - there is.

Let the world know how much you love Babka (who doesn't?). Join the Babka Club and receive one fresh baked Babka of your choice, one Babka Club T- Shirt, and a Babka Club Lifetime Membership Certificate (suitable for framing!) As an added bonus, every time you come to Continental Kosher Bakery wearing your Babka Club T-Shirt, we'll give you 10% off your entire purchase (because members don't pay retail!).

If you're a purist, try the chocolate. If you're convinced that "cinnamon takes a backseat to no babka," try that flavor and see. And if you're really out there on the fringes of babka-lovers, try cherry or apple.

Babka Club goes perfectly with Kiddush Club. That is, if it's not banned in your community. 

This Babka Club is more like a discount program - it requires you to show up in person wearing your shirt. But if you're a hardcore babkateer or want your cakes delivered, be a Babka Maven. This "Beer-of-the-Month" style club delivers a babka every month to the person you love or are trying to kill via baked goods, and includes two of each flavor over the course of the year, plus four "seasonal varieties." (Suggest seasonal varieties flavors here, like: Hanukkah's Latka Vodka Babka, Passover's Matzah Babka, Purim's Babkatashen. etc.)

Socalled Movie Premiers at SXSW and on YouTube

If you've never heard of Socalled, you're missing a unique and weird talent whose music blends klezmer, hip-hop, funk and other elements in a fusion like you've never heard before. And now he's the subject of a new documentary, which will be released Tuesday on YouTube and screened at a special event at the SXSW festival (Maggie Mae's, 323 E. 6th Street, Austin, TX on Tuesday, March 16, 9pm- 1am, with a Socalled live performance @ 10PM). You can also view the trailer below, and you can rent from YouTube for $.99. 

Klezmer-hip hop maestro Socalled is a musician, producer, composer, arranger, magician, filmmaker, photographer and visual artist based in Montreal. Born in Ottawa and raised just north of there, in Chelsea, Quebec, he grew up taking piano lessons and loving funk and hip hop. When Socalled first heard klezmer music on an old Yiddish record, he was fascinated by the cool sounds he could sample to make hip hop beats. Then he realized that integrating this Jewish music from the 1930s into his songs was a way of representing himself and his cultural heritage. It enabled him bring something of his own to funk and hip hop, giving him what he calls "a real reason to make music." (from his bio)

 

Obama Moves State of the Union to Appease "Lost" Fans

I really love that headline, because it's not me being clever - it's true.

If you follow Presidential speech schedules, then you'll know that the next state of the Union address was supposed to be on February 2. And if you follow "Lost" (which, if you're reading this blog, you probably do), then you'll know that February 2 is the long-awaited return of everyone's favorite Island saga since the days of Gilligan. But luckily, Obama will be avoiding the wrath of "Lost" fans by rescheduling his address.

As the Washington Post reported:

The president of the United States apparently feels he needs the "Lost" voting bloc and therefore will not schedule his State of the Union address the same night that ABC had planned to air the two-hour season debut of the second-most-convoluted drama series in the history of TV. 

[...]"Lost" fanatics had their undies in a bunch Wednesday over news that the White House might push back the president's SOTU address to Feb. 2 to enable Obama to use a freshly signed health-care reform law as an audiovisual aid.

Yes, the Post said "undies in a bunch" - where are Woodward and Bernstein when we need them?

Now's a good time to remind you that I've made some wild predictions about season 6 based solely on the episode titles. Check it out, leave your comments and predict your own storylines. Nothing's too crazy...someone has to be right!

Welcome to the Gun Show

[All images link to full-size versions.]

When I think of Los Angeles, I think of the things that inspired my move from New York: the sunshine even (and especially) in winter, the beach, the mountains, the air. These are peaceful images, all yoga-hippy-dippy, all love beads and tranquil meditation. People speak of the brutality of Hollywood, of the superficiality and the smog, but for me, the mere existence of nature so close to the urban experience is a huge and peaceful upgrade, and there’s no brutality to be found.

Then, that day, I felt the weight in my hand, the clichéd cold steel that seemed simultaneously impartial and vindictive. My hands were peaceful; my heart unencumbered by grudges. But somehow, a .357 Magnum doesn’t seem to care.

It happened fairly spontaneously: a friend was in town and we were trying to find something unexpected to do. What was the last thing that two Jewish female Democrats would do? We asked Google, and found the Los Angeles Gun Club. We looked at each other, hesitated only a moment, and said yes.

 We made our way to a sketchy, semi-deserted part of downtown – a hipster clothing factory and a sign welcomed us: Los Angeles Gun Club. Our man behind the counter, Joseph, gave us a quick safety tutorial, took our thumbprints and showed us a few guns. One of the guns was a Beretta: the magazine popped into the handle quickly, with a satisfying click, with pressure from the palm of the holder’s hand. It seemed attractive, and simple, but the instructions for safe use were very complicated. Since a part of me was still shocked and terrified that I was peering through glass at display cases of weapons, we decided that simplicity was key and went with a classic, the .357 Magnum. And we chose a target – an orange torso, poor fella had no idea what was coming. [At left: His sibling, with organs delineated for easy perforation, who was the subject of a later slaughter.] 

Safety first, we suited up with earplugs, ear protectors, and eye shields – a very unsexy look, I might add - took the gun and a box of ammo, and headed into the firing range area. Only a few others were there that afternoon, but even those few bullets exploding around us did something to my nerves. There’s no etiquette about courtesy in shooting like there is in bowling ("after you, no, after you!"), mostly because each shooter’s vision is limited – within each booth, they can only see their target, and not what’s happening around them. So the gun reports aren’t consecutive; they overlap at non-standard intervals, sounding like a cross between fireworks and bombs.

 My friend, braver than I am on any given day, went first. Her first shot – straight into the center of Orange Man’s torso, was so perfect that we reeled that target back immediately, kept it otherwise pristine as a trophy, and started fresh with a second target. She squeezed off a few more bullets, and then handed the gun over to me.

Photo Teaser: Story to Come

Yes, that's me. And yes, that's a .357 Magnum. 

It's almost unfair, I know - posting a photo like this with no explanation. Well, the explanation - plenty of it - is coming, so don't worry.

Stay tuned to MyUrbanKvetch.com, or follow me on Twitter to get the whole story.

Finally, Envelopes That Taste Like Bacon: 'Mmmvelopes'

If you're like no one I know, then you've always dreamed of envelopes without that gummy adhesive taste, and instead with the taste of smoky, meaty bacon. Now your dreams - and many rabbinic nightmares - come true, with Mmmvelopes, made by Baconnaise, a company (with an engagingly written website) that makes everything bacon-flavored. Their bacon salt, as a point of fact, was inspired by a kosher wedding.

Technically, EatMeDaily reports, the flavoring is vegan, and therefore, one can reasonably assume contains no pork product that would render it unkosher. But why leave it up to assumptions? J&D's went out and got itself some Kof-K supervision. 

Plus, the halakhic problem that I can invent here is the slippery slope caveat: one might assume that if an envelope can be bacon-flavored and contain no bacon extracts or derivatives, then other non-food products that taste like bacon also are bacon-free and vegan. (Some of J&D's products are actually dairy, leading to further adventures in kashrut supervision.)

While the rabbis ponder this modern challenge, kids today have another question:

What's an envelope?

Who is a Jew? This Week, Everyone...

Rarely does an episode of House go without a Jewish reference, even when Jewish Doctor Cuddy isn't in the storyline. Cartoons - notably the Simpsons and South Park - have explored Jewish identity. And now, The Family Guy aired a show last night called "Family Goy," in which Lois Griffin discovers that she's Jewish. But what's strange is that recently, in pop culture, there seems to be Jewiness everywhere.

One of the most-talked-about films of the month is the Coen Brothers' most recent oddity, "A Serious Man," which explores the 70s era midwestern Jewish childhoods of the Coens through an opening midrash of sorts in Yiddish with English subtitles, and shows life in Hebrew school where teachers refuse to speak English in class. In that scene, the audience is forced to join the students in their bewilderment, because neither of them gets subtitles for the Hebrew conjugations being taught in the class. This film, my friend Lindsay noted, is "Jewier than @estherk's friend list." (She's not wrong. I claim it's Jewier than "Yentl," but my friend Wendy disagrees. Oh well, it wouldn't be Jewy without Jews failing to agree. Maybe I should propose a debate titled, "Which one is Jewier, Yentl or A Serious Man?" for this year's LimmudLA conference.)

Listening to the radio, you might hear the Black Eyed Peas' latest, a song called "I Gotta Feeling." Released this summer, the song's increased in airplay to at least 150 times a day on every radio station in Los Angeles. Well, in case you haven't heard, there's both a "mazal tov" and a "l'chayim" in the lyrics (check out the clip above, around 3:17 in, for the one-two Hebrew punch). While it's slightly surprising to hear Hebrew in an American pop song, you might remember that the BEP have always been very popular in Israel, perhaps for including the region in the song "Hey Mama" ("Then we drop bombs like we in the middle east") or for proclaiming big love for the country when they tour there. What's next? Prediction for 2010: Kanye West interrupts a Black Eyed Peas concert, changes his name to "KanYiheyeh B'Seder" and starts blogging for Benji.

Even Ahmadinejad may boast Jewish roots. Well, not "boast," actually - more like "vehemently deny while threatening to bomb Israel." But as Jewlicious pointed out, this was something that our resident prophet/animation guru William Levin came up with as a joke in a Birthright Israel recruitment video: turns out that the best comedy has reality (or at least, a potential reality) as a basis. If the rumors are true, it just fuels additional questions - if Mahmoud's mom was Jewish, would my parents consider him an acceptable potential match? Does he have the right of return? Is he related to Lois Griffin? Does he pay retail?

I can't watch every news broadcast or TV show (or can I?), so if I've missed some important pop cultural moment this week, I blame Sukkot. (Why not? I'm sure if you say "schach" enough times it damages your vocal cords and renders you forgetful. Someone needs to research that.) What'd I miss? You tell me. (You always do.)

Moadim lesimcha.

Woodstock's Impact on Israeli Culture

Israel's always had a little more than its share of hippie tendencies - from communal living arrangements (kibbutzim, moshavim, the army) to sandals and other footwear (Naot that look like Birkenstocks, hello!). Plus, unkempt beards, long hair, songs about peace...welcome to Nahlaot.

But leave it to YouTube to show me how Woodstock (celebrating a big birthday this week, in case the publication you happen to read happens to have not done an article about it) has had an impact on the Israeli advertising industry. 

I bring you...Israeli-accented hippies in a van advertising insurance. And I need to ask...would Don Draper have signed off on this ad?