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Richard Marcus


Wrote this. Pretty sure you'll appreciate it.
Richard Marcus

A Bagel Is More Than A Jewish Donut
Richard Marcus

A bagel is more than a Jewish donut,
More than a roll with a hole.
More than a strange English muffin.
A bagel’s got bagely soul.

It is something a baby can teethe on.
The true home of cream cheese and lox.
A bagel is used to tie up a boat,
To keep it from hitting the docks.

A bagel is comfort. A bagel’s a pal.
A bagel never forgets.
Bagels as hard as bricks and concrete
Make wonderful weapons and pets.

A bagel is kind.
A bagel’s well rounded.
A bagel is wholesome and neat.
I’ve seen bagel Boy Scouts on busses and subways
Graciously give up their seat.

A bagel’s profound, the Einstein of bread
The Shakespeare of flour inspired,
The Rolls Royce of noshing,
The Buick of Bulk,
And as chewy as one of its tires.

First given to Israelites fleeing from Egypt,
Who whined, “Enough with matzo, already.
Smoked salmon on manna;
That’s a pox on the lox!
Would it kill You to make something bready?”

Spam and Velveeta are sins on a bagel,
Eggs work, except Sunny side.
Chopped liver’s okay,
If you first toast the bagel,
If not it will squish out the side.

I once saw a man who was struck by a bagel,
It gave him such a “potch” in the head.
Yet I heard him exclaim
“I would rather be maimed
By a bagel than be crippled by bread.”

But bagels today have gone to extremes,
Pizza, low carb; Not to kvetch, but…
Vegan-schmaggegan? tofu-jalapeno?!
For bagels it’s too much a stretch.

Still, in these times we should love all bagels
Like warm, chewy halos we eat.
They fill us with love, they fill us with joy,
Not to mention two pounds of wheat.

So when you’re worried or tired,
Outsourced or fired,
Caught in the grind and the crunch,
Stagger right into your neighborhood bagelry
And take a nice bagel to lunch.

Copyright, All Rights Richard Marcus 1975, 1999

5032 SW Custer St.
Portland, OR 97219
(503) 788-9967
[email protected]

Michael Blackburn, Sr.

Great, and hilarious as well!!!!
You've probably heard this one:

A Martian goes into a deli and asks "What are those wheels behind the counter?"
The owner says, "They're bagels. Try one."
The Martian tries one and say, "Mmm, these are good.
Imagine how they would taste with lox and cream cheese!"

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