MY URBAN KVETCH

Halloween Roundup

Boo!

I know. It's hard to scare people nowadays.

So I provide you with this relatively ghoul-free rundown of Halloween-related posts from various points throughout the internet. First, in the world of me...From JDaters Anonymous, a report of a new "tips for Halloween" press release distributed--of course--by JDate. And some yeshiva girl recalls her first Halloween (at Beliefnet).

Get your geek on by carving a pumpkin with your favorite meganerds, or, as they're known in the Latin, MacO'Lanterns (via Digg originally)...also via Digg, the Top 13 (because it's unlucky #13, get it?) sites for the holiday, including a site called Sanguinarius, for "real vampires."

According to the website,"Sanguinarius: The Vampire Support Page is a site designed for         those who are or may be blood-drinkers, psychic vampires / energy vampires,         and "Vampyres" (vampyre lifestylers)." There's also a link to a "terminology" page which defines things like "beacon," "turning," and my favorite, "Vampdar." (Yes, like gaydar. But for vamps. But isn't vampire radar actually sonar? Scientists, please speak.) And btw, the pic at left is from a site called "Spoofpark.")

In another vein (ROTFL/LMAO!!!), what do you think are the top Halloween costumes for children and adults? Step off, French maids...here's a hint. It's the letter after Q and before S. ARRRRRR! I guess pirates aren't just confined to the Caribbean anymore.

And in closing, from the mind of a Connecticut ninth grader comes the relatively unterrifying creative effort known as Buffy Meets Leatherface...

Happy Halloween to those of you who adore this holiday. And Happy Last Day of October to those of you who don't.

This Just In: L.A. Weekly Misquotes Teen Classic

Dear L.A. Weekly,

I appreciate what you were trying to get at with your invocation of a John Hughes classic in describing the costuming conundrum faced by women everywhere. But I beg of you: please rent "The Breakfast Club." In it you will find quite clearly that it is my NYC neighbor and co-birthday girl Ally Sheedy (as "basket case" Allison who made snow from her dandruff and ate a cereal and pixie-stix sandwich) and not Molly Ringwald who said, "If you don’t, you’re a prude, if you do, you’re a slut.”

I thank you. John Hughes thanks you. And when I tell Ally Sheedy about this the next time I see her at Starbucks, she'll thank you too.

And now your scrolling bonus, footage of Yellowcard singing "Don't You Forget About Me" and Breakfast Club montage from last year's VMAs.

What is Jewish Identity?

[cross-posted from Jewlicious, where this topic is under ongoing discussion...]

What is Jewish identity? There, I asked you. Is it identification with a culture? With tradition? With people within a community?

Whatever your definition of Jewish identity is, now make like the Food and Drug Administration, and institute guidelines for lower-calorie versions of the real thing:

New Jewish Identity: Same general formula, but a little bit sweeter, maybe fizzier. Depends who you ask.

Jewish Identity Classic: Same as it ever was, renamed and repackaged. Shiny, but appeals to traditionalists.

Diet Jewish Identity: Made with half the eggs, a third of the margarine, and whole wheat noodles. And Splenda.

And Jewish Identity ‘Lite’: Now, with half the calories and fat of regular Jewish identity…cholesterol free and with only 2g of carbs per serving!…with all the originally rich guilty taste preserved to intellectually haunt you like a waking nightmare. Spread it on your bagel, cover it with a nice piece of lox and bring it to your next neo-klezmer concert.

In his latest soon-to-be-a-classic piece in the Jerusalem Post, Ariel Beery continues his inquiry into the way our generation relates to and identifies with Judaism, including his reaction to a study put forth by sociologist Steven M. Cohen and historian Ari Y. Kelman, and funded by the UJA-Federation of New York and the National Foundation for Jewish Culture:

The findings show that the majority of the Jews found attending cultural events - parties thrown by Heeb or surrounding klezmer music - already have extensive Jewish backgrounds. Graduates of Hebrew schools, day schools and Camp Ramah, these Jews do have a history of engagement with the Jewish community - even though their current status is formally “unaffiliated.”

This finding turns the tables on many assumptions: If young American Jews are not affiliating despite being more educated and engaged then ever, what causes Jews of my generation to leave the community behind?

Discuss amongst yourselves, or read the rest of the post at Jewlicious.

Welcome to What Passes for News

Several years ago a tragedy befell the Jewish people. It was a silent tragedy, whose repercussions were only felt in the observant sector of the Jewish community. There was communal mourning, lamenting the loss and the likely imminence of a sadder, blander era.

But now, things are on an upswing, and, while stories are still being verified, there may yet be rejoicing again among the People of Israel:

Duncan Hines Reverts Back to Pareve

Cherry Hill, NJ...More than a year after it added dairy ingredients to its OU certified line of cake mixes, Pinnacle Foods is moving back to Pareve.  Although KosherToday was not able to verify the report, a source told KosherToday that the move had already been made and that an announcement by the company is imminent. KosherToday will, of course, update the story in a future edition. Pinnacle Foods' decision last year to go dairy caused an outcry from many kosher consumers who used the cake mixes for dairy, meat, and pareve meals.

It was also criticized by many of the 56 million Americans who are lactose intolerant. A similar decision by Stella Dora [sic] of Nabisco several years ago was greeted by a large outcry by consumers, which caused the company to reverse the decision. Duncan Hines was owned by Procter and Gamble for many years but when it experienced difficulty was sold to Pinnacle Foods, based in Cherry Hill, NJ, which also acquired such well-known kosher brands as Lender's Bagels.

Karin Dimant

Chief Marketing Officer

Heritage Affinity Services

www.HASAdvantage.com

Could it be such a move is tied to the release of Sofia Coppola's movie about Marie Antoinette, who famously said, "let them eat cake"? Can we all look forward to being publicly beheaded? And the most important question of all, will this move, which effectively increases the number of cakes every observant Jew can eat over a given Shabbos by a jillion percent (give or take), have a detrimental effect on the collective Judaic waistline?

I guess time will tell whether this news is a blessing or a curse. Often, it is such a fine line.

All of the Cool Kids Are Doing It

And by "cool kids," I mean "nerdy Jewish kids." But still...my ticket is booked, and November 10 I'm off to the West Coast again for more Jewishness, this time at UJC's GA (General Assembly)--where all the Jewish federations from across the country gather representatives to talk about the future of the Jewish people.

The conference is going to take up most of my time while I'm there--I'm pretty sure I'm going to be drafted into duty at various points for various organizations--but if you're interested in either meeting me on-site for coffee or cocktails (the conference is at the Westin downtown on S. Figueroa) or at some point after hours, email me your contact info (esther.kustanowitz at gmail) and we'll try to make it happen.

Shalom, y'all...

Morning Mirth From da 'Tube: Paxilback

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the music parody video that rocked my morning. Credit to EV, who'd have a link if he had an actual website. But instead he has my thanks. Enjoy this video, which has nothing to do with Jews.

"Gossip on the Internet": Esther at the Ideas Cafe

This week, I'm facilitating "Gossip on the Internet:  A Sin or Just a Sign of the Times?" at the Ideas Cafe at the Skirball Center on the Upper East Side...there's a $10 entrance fee, which you can have waived by being on the magic list. To be on the magic list, email me by Tuesday morning, and your entrance will amazingly be comped! Ta-da!

WHAT:  Ideas Café    – a weekly salon for open discussions of issues of the day – will consider    the guilty pleasure of “Gossip on the Internet” and explore whether it’s a “sin” or just a sign of the times    – and what rules and ethics should apply. 

Our sense of right and wrong tells us gossip – however pervasive – is wrong, but restraint is hard. In the age of the Internet it’s next to impossible.  With the most powerful, ever-expanding grapevine in human history at  our keyboarded fingertips, gossip is both easier and more viral. Anonymity removes accountability. But where is the blurry line between the useful and the malicious? How do we decide what’s true and what’s hearsay, what’s harmless and what’s slander? What ethics apply? And should celebrities, who choose to live in the public eye, be treated differently from the rest of us? Join us to discuss these and other questions at Ideas Café, a Tuesday evening salon in a Jewish environment open to all voices.    

Our facilitator will be author and blogger Esther Kustanowitz, who writes extensively on Jewish and other topics, and whose singles column, “First Person Singular,” appears in New York Jewish Week. She blogs at My Urban Kvetch, (http://estherkustanowitz.typepad.com), JDaters Anonymous (http://jdatersanonymous.com), and Jewlicious (jewlicious.com).    

WHEN        8 p.m. Tuesday, October 24, 2006   
WHERE      Skirball Center for Adult Jewish Learning. Enter at 10 East 66th Street (Nearest subway stop: #6, East 68th  St.)    
COST        $10 at the door ($5 for Skirball Center students).   
NOTE         For information and weekly topics visit www.ideascafe.org or call (212) 507-9580. The Skirball Center for Adult Jewish Learning – a unique New York City educational facility in its fifth year – offers a wide range of programs and courses exploring what it means to be a human being and Jewish in the 21st century.

And This is Why We Need Jewtube

O.M.G-d, as the folks at Jewish Fashion Conspiracy say...

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why we need Jewtube.

Yes, this "Lazy Shabbos" video is funny, even if it won't do anything to dispel that stereotype about Jews not so much possessing the rhythm for madd beatz.

But for people who just can't get enough of the "Jews-as-gangsta-rappers" genre, I offer this, the behind-the-scenes making of the"Lazy Shabbos" video. Some of it is predictably boring, and then there's minute 6, which is not for the squeamish, but is the comedy pinnacle of the making-of video...

You'll never look at Gefilte Fish the same way again...

Kutcher: "Fish Are Tzadikim"

Hi, and welcome back to the Hall of Celebrity Weirdness. I know it's been a while. But have faith in your celebrities, America...if you build it, they will come.

The Philippine Inquirer conducted an extensive interview with Mr. Demi Moore, Ashton "you've been Kabbalah'd!" Kutcher, on the occasion of the release of "Open Season," an animated film in which Kutcher plays a one-antlered deer. (I'm sure press coverage of that junket was a highly-coveted ticket.) The newspaper apparently has a standard question that they ask celebrities, what animal they'd like to come back as, and here's how Ashton answered.

Gamely responding to the stock “what if …” question, the former model said, “I don’t want to come back as an animal but to answer that question, I’d choose to come back as a fish. Fish don’t have any eyelids. They’re surrounded by water which is mercy. Fish are supposed to be the righteous souls—the tzadikim.”

And Esther (that's me, not Madge) said, "huh? Did Ashton Kutcher say 'tzadikim'?" Apparently the reporter had a similar question, and used it to transition into a discussion about Kabbalah.

The reply, and the mention of a Hebrew term, “tzadikim,” prompted a reporter to ask about the couple’s exploration of Kabbalah, a form of Jewish mysticism which is being embraced by Madonna and other celebrities. “It’s there,” he said of the Kabbalah bracelet which he wore underneath his layered clothing this morning. “Kabbalah is not like one of those external things,” he explained. “It’s not like a thing that you go get or attain. It’s about the essence of who you are. It’s not like an ‘outside me’ kind of thing. It’s about approaching things with compassion, not like trying to smash your ego.”

Now, while this response is all very nice and I don't really know anything at all about Kabbalah and I'm sure Ashton's all sincere and stuff, but I want to know how much Hebrew Ashton and Demi know. Has any filtered down to Rumer, Scout and Tallulah Belle? Do they want to be fishes too, or would they prefer lions so that they can be aligned with the tribe of Judah? When will they be at the kotel? Can we find out in advance so we can prepare a special Jewlicious hat for Kutcher? And will Bruce Willis ever do another movie that requires him to smile the way he did when he was David Addison on Moonlighting?

Damn you, Philippine Daily Inquirer, for not asking these questions, the ones that all inquiring minds want to know.

Simchat (S)torah(telling)

On Simchat Torah, which was last Sunday, we annually start the Torah reading cycle over, hoping to glean new wisdom and insight into the same stories we read in the year that passed. We start over, with the creation of the world. It offers a chance to do some resolving, as in "I'm going to start going to shul again on Shabbat morning, I promise," and then the breaking of that resolution provides something to repent for the following Yom Kippur. Hypothetically. For instance.

But part of the challenge is reinventing the texts we know and imbuing it with an expanded meaning. Such a task has always been the unique purview of Amichai Lau-Lavie, who invented Storahtelling, a creative blend of theater and Torah exploration. And now, Amichai (under his nom de blog, Lauviticus) has founded the "Weekly Storah," a weekly podcast and blog post that provides readers with what Lau-Lavie calls "an EZ pass into Judeo-Biblical Knowledge, one verse at a time." How does it work? Here's the scoop:

Every Friday, a new blog entry will arrive in your mailbox, composed by Lauviticus, a consortium of storah scribes, highlighting a single verse or word from the weekly installment of the Torah, focusing on issues of translation and contemporary relevance, Just in time for a new Sabbath. Each entry is composed of four sections, delving deeper in accordance with the mystical PARDES*, from Pshat, or simple meaning all the way to Sod: a secret possibility hidden in each of these weekly selections.

Check it out--either as a blog post or as a podcast, pick your refreshment of choice--and let the discussion begin...after all, if you can't make good on that shul resolution, at least commit to the RSSness of this virtual congregation...