Where My Zionism Fails

I consider myself a fairly Zionistic person. I give charity to Israel, nearly every international vacation I take has been to Israel, I have family, friends and history in Israel. I go to rallies and sign petitions and run pictures of Israeli flags on my websites.The first piece of jewelry I ever bought with my own money was a silver Kotel ring--which I wear to this day--from Baltinester on Jaffa Road. Israeli Independence Day always means a big party; I even observe a somber few moments on Yom Hazikaron (Israel's Memorial Day). My blog's even in blue and white. When war struck the country as I was staying there, I didn't run screaming back to America...I stayed out the remainder of my trip and stuck to schedule. No one was going to tell me it was or wasn't safe to be in Israel. No one was going to take away my homeland.

But eventually, I did leave. I don't live in Israel. I didn't volunteer at hospitals or with families displaced by bombs lobbed at their homes. I was only visiting. I came back to America, where things are safer in certain respects. I don't worry about rockets overhead here, or suicide bombers in the supermarkets (which may be my mistake). Here is where my apartment is, for now; where my job is, sort of; where my family lives, most of it, anyway. Here, the army is optional. And my friends, my peers, the people in my life on a daily basis, have opted out of army service. For the most part, it's not part of the culture in my peer group.

Over in Israel, another cousin of mine prepares for his induction into the army. I literally remember him in diapers. Now he's got a beard and an enlistment date. I don't understand what that must be like, to send your child into a void for the sake of your country. I have worry, for him, his parents, his friends, and those who could easily be him, but aren't. Yet.

And it's not just him. My worries expand as I learn that someone else I care about is going. The move is unexpected; although I knew it was possible, I had thought that it wouldn't actually cross over into reality. I have precious little information about duration or tour of duty. It could be a short-term assignment, or it could stretch out longer. I don't know and even knowing wouldn't do me any good. I feel the pressure to say something inspiring, meaningful and memorable, words of wisdom and humor to comfort and embrace when I cannot be personally present, to impart a message of love and concern without sounding like a completely neurotic, overbearing caricature of the slightly neurotic, slightly overbearing woman I know I'm capable of one day becoming.

I opt for simplicity. But when I say "good luck and be careful," the implication of mortality is more than I can bear, and I'm tempted to say more, generate more words in an attempt to chase away the neurosis. But I don't. I couch my concern in terseness, and keep words at a minimum, lest too many of them escape and overwhelm. Send the message quick, without giving it too much thought, and you can push the interchange into past, looking toward future.

And there may be others. If I thought they were in harm's way just living in Jerusalem or Tel Aviv, in cities targeted by suicide bombers...the induction into the army, the promotion of risk from civilian to combat, raises my alert level to a whole new color. Orange to yellow to red, at the apparent expense of the sanctity of the blue and the white.

This is where my Zionism breaks down, to the point that I wonder if it was ever Zionism to begin with. If at its core, how I feel about Israel is contingent on Israel not harming the people I love, even if it's in the service of the country, then my love for the land is not paramount. In admitting my preference for people over land entities, I violate basic rules of nationhood, and realize that soon, my tongue will likely cleave to the roof of my mouth, for I have not placed Jerusalem as the centerpiece of joy in my selfish and self-centered, privileged American life.

A thousand packages to soldiers cannot erase the guilt, nor ensure the safety of the people I love. And although I may love the land, its history, its biblical resonance, its flowers-from-the-desert miraculous beauty, on some traitorous level, I know that I believe that the earth is just earth without the people who fill it.

Comments

[Doctor Bean]

Yes, the people are much more important than the land. But the people whom you love who will serve in war are making their sacrifices not for the land, but for the people at home so that they may know a time without rocket attacks and without suicide bombers. It's people sacrificing to protect people. The people back at home who are being protected also probably include lots of people you love -- the soldiers' families, neighbors, etc. Your wish that they didn't have to make the sacrifice isn't a failure of your Zionism; you're just scared for them. But they're much more scared of the consequences of not fighting -- war without end, emboldened enemies on multiple fronts, no Israeli safe. Fighting means terrible sacrifice for the soldiers; not fighting means worse for everyone. They're going willingly. Honor that. Zionism isn't about the land. It's simply asserting (unfortunately every generation) that young Jews will fight if necessary so that other Jews will have a safe homeland.

Pray for victory. Peace will follow.

Shabbat shalom.

[TikkunGer]

wow, thanks Esther for this uber honest post, it was touching!

I don't know what else to say other than thanks for sharing this part of yourself with me/us.

take care.

[Some Loser]

If you can find it Esther I suggest you read the historical novel Stalingrad by Theoder Pleiver.

[BarefootJewess]

For me, Israel is Home; perhaps it is those who have felt displaced in their lives who feel it the most.

I admire your honesty.

[David]

This isn't a Zionist failure, but a success in compassion

[Some Loser]

It's a shame military service isnt spread more across the socio-economic spectrum Esther. If guys like Ron served they might not be such blood thirsty advocates of America making war. And this would be to their own benefit and also the rest of us.

I'll tell you sometimes War is necessary, my own Glorious Ancestors served and fought to free the slaves and perserve the Union back in the 1860's.

I cant say Israel isnt justified in battling Hezbollah, Hezbollah did start it. But along the lines of your concern for friends/relatives being called up for military service in Israel. Remember what Sun Zhu said in "The Art of War".

"Anger can return to joy.

"Estrangement can return to intimacy.

"But the dead stay dead".

So I hope a more peaceful path was not missed, for the sake of all those killed in the last few weeks and those destined to be killed in the coming days.

Peace.

[Ron]

Hey Loser,

What? Did your ancestors serve in the military? Gee, I don't think I read that before! What say that again! Did your ancestors serve in the military? Gee, that's SO NEW to us! What? Did John Kerry spend time in Vietnam? Gee, never heard THAT before either. This whole act of yours is getting whiny because since you are WRONG on every issue on which you choose to argue, you have to do your broken record act about military service.

And besides your faux friendly attitude to Esther, you are also a Jew-hater, and I'm not going to let you forget the ugly things you wrote. I still have a copy.

Let's face it, crocodile tears, you'll still vote for Hillary Clinton over John McCain. I'm also guessing you did NOT vote for George Bush and Bob Dole in 1988, 1992, and 1996.

Esther, I am sincerely glad you are safe. Thanks for all the hard work you do, and for your beautiful writing. Here's an idea just for yucks -- write something in support of the liberation of Iraq just to see Loser try to censor you as well. See how much of a friend he really is!

[Some Loser]

Yes Ron, I and those who preceeded my directly by blood over the past 300 years did serve when military service was necessary and the fruit or our service is a civil peaceful society where all can safely live and prosper regardless of race, creed and national origin. Rather than call names and tell lies about me you should show me some appreciation.

I'll admit I did tell you off via email pretty good but they have a saying in the American South. "Never say a thing about a man unless you know it's true". When you posted insulting lies concerning my sympathy for the unneeded slaughter of Iraqi civilians plus some other BS I cant remember about me, I reacted strongly to say the least.

[Esther]

OK, Ron and Some Loser...this is the Hall Monitor speaking: you guys are done. Wanna argue over this and slander each other? Do it offline or somewhere else. Any further such comments will be deleted. Ya feel me?

[ccs178 (Chris)]

You think the Union fought to free the slaves, well you....

Just kidding, Esther. It is a great post and from where I stand, I'd say that you don't have any reason to be ashamed.

[Lyss]

Scary stuff. I'm happy to report that most of my family who reside in Israel made it here safely fo their usual August visit. Not so happy about the fact that it's almost army time for the two oldest boys.
I commend those brave enough to take on all that comes with living there and knowing that your time to serve will come eventually.

[Paula]

Great post.

[Ron]

Esther,

OK, point well taken. But I have a warning for you: Be careful of any "unquestion [sic] support for Israel." After all, it "causes you to believe lies and encourage unnecessary war."

Just trying to keep you out of trouble with a certain almt077@yahoo.com.

[Coelecanth]

You put people ahead of ideas and that's as it should be.

What is Zionism, or any nationalism for that matter, but an idea? Where ideas help, nurture and protect people they are to be cherished and supported. Where ideas harm people they are to be questioned and discarded. The question of course is just how inclusive is your definition of people? Nationalism of all stripes is inherently divisive. Mind you, I haven't got a better idea than nations to organize the world.

[Some Loser]

OK Esther your wish is my command :-)

[Plantation]

Well-said. Glad you made it back safely.

[TM]

Good post, Esther. I think there are plenty of Israelis, particularly parents of those who are serving in the IDF right now who agree with you. Nobody wants to sacrifice their loved ones or themselves and it is natural optimism as well as a sense of confidence in their leadership that help support them in these difficult times. There is the knowing sense, also, that there is no other choice - their backs are to the sea.

Nah, Esther, the only place where your Zionism fails is that you live in New York instead of Israel. On that front, we all are mere armchair Zionists. ;)

[Ariel Beery]

Absolutely beautiful post. The land is just Canaan without the people--it is the people who make up Israel. On the other hand, the people will have no home without sacrifice--and no one to protect them from the forces of hatred without the State. Thus, fighting for our People is a sacrifice that many of us are willing to make when the time comes--that is Zionism: the understanding that Jews need to take our collective destiny in our own hands; that we will no longer be powerless individuals at the whim of other nations.