No, Lindsay! Back! Back!!!

Dear Miss Lohan,

On behalf of Joss Whedon, I'm asking you to stop telling the press about your interest in playing the eponymous heroine of Wonder Woman, which is currently being scripted by Mr. Whedon.

While the role has not yet been cast and is therefore technically available, your inability to maintain a hair color or stay out of auto accidents for more than three weeks seems to indicate a rootless, restless quality that we are not looking for in the first major superheroine films to hit the screen since Helen Slater's Supergirl.

Thank you for your interest, however, to paraphrase the Soup Nazi, "No Wonder Woman for you!"

Sincerely,

Esther Kustanowitz
Internet Rumor Management Department
My Urban Kvetch, Inc.

PS: Mr. Whedon has just authorized me to offer you the role if you can correctly define 'eponymous.' No, dictionaries are not permitted. Sorry, dear.

Comments

Dear Ms. Kustanowitz:

Umm, "eponymous, wasn't that like a word in the title of the Anthony Newley movie "Can Eponymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?".

My hair color and driving record is none of your frickin' business, thanks. Would you please relay my definition to Mr. Wheldon?

Your friend,

Lindsay

[Jennifer]

What terrifies me is that some studio exec out there is now all gonna be, "We have to get a major star for the lead or else this thing won't sell. REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME?!" And 19-year-old bombed party girl or not, Lindsay will be handed the role on a platter.

When it REALLY should go to Morena Baccarin.

Grrrrrrrr.

Lindsay, you were good in Mean Girls, but these days...eeeeeek.

[Madonna]

If they would ever cast a 5'0" Wonder Woman, I have just the person to play her....

And it sure as hell isn't Lindsay Lohan.

If they cast her, I won't watch the movie.

[Christopher Simmons]

At least let her try the costume on!

[Madonna]

I'm just curious... Does anyone know why Lindsay Lohan is famous, anyway?