"Writing the Book on Breaking Up"

Last week's singles column, "Writing the Book on Breaking Up." is online at the Jewish Week website.

An excerpt...

To my public school contemporaries, the anticipation of Feb. 14 meant wondering if anyone would slip a Valentine into their lockers — even if it was from a total loser, at least it was an offering of love. But in my yeshiva high school, where Valentine’s Day wasn’t observed, there was no annual way to find out if any boys liked me. (Even though I kind of already knew the answer.) Every year since, Valentine’s Day has continued to be a marker for the rest of the world in which I live and even work, with commercials and greeting cards and red-wrapped chocolates in drugstores all communicating the unavoidable message: You should be in love.

The problem is that love has been over-romanticized. Famously, the course of love does not run smooth — have Brad and Jen taught us nothing? — nor does it always become the eternal substance of legend. Real relationships contain struggles, problems and arguments. And when a breakup occurs, whether it’s expected or an utter surprise, the end result is it’s over. Sometimes there’s pain or anger. Sometimes there are new, dysfunctional relationships with men or women who are not good for you (like Ben & Jerry or Sara Lee). Some people proclaim disinterest in ever dating again and others run right out and join JDate or Frumster. (Reactions to breakups may vary.)

Or you could just pick up the new book, “It’s Not Me, It’s You: The Ultimate Breakup Book” by Anna Jane Grossman and Flint Wainess, which celebrates successful breakups of all sorts. INMIY, as it is bound to become known, derives its strength from humor and balance: one man and one woman lay themselves and their romantic histories bare to comfort and entertain the masses. If we are all soldiers on the battlefield of love, then INMIY is the USO show we’ve all been waiting for.

Comments

[writersbloc gal]

oh, i could SO use that book right now ;-)

[Lyss]

funny stuff. I find that now that I no longer live in a primarily Jewish world, V Day seems to loom larger. This does not mean that I give in to it, just the contrary- growing up yeshiva-style has made it less of a big deal. It's just another day.