After emceeing the Jewbilation concert on the Sunday night of the JTB2 conference weekend, I realized that that had been my first time at the mic in a long time...and that 90 percent of the previous times had been for karaoke. But Sunday night, I didn't sing. And my attempts at spoken word? Well, they could have used some work, I'll admit. What I needed was to get back to my karaoke roots.
Since one of my NYC karaoke buddies moved to LA, and another one of my LA pals had recently discovered a penchant for that particular mode of self-expression, we all knew what we had to do. So off to the Brass Monkey we went, where every night is karaoke night, no one but you will sing for the first hour and most of the drink names have either "monkey" or "banana" in it (People's Exhibit A).
My first song was "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Things went well. I sat down again and someone else sang some song that had him winking at me during his performance...then after, he approached" "Damn, girl...why you have to look so good? I got a pacemaker, you know..." I chuckled good-naturedly and he kept walking.
Later saw renditions of "Sweet Child of Mine," on which I sang with Annabel Lee, and then I busted out Young MC's "Bust a Move." I figure it's always entertaining when the whitest Jewish chick around tries to bust the fastest pre-Eminem, slightly lecherous rhymes 80s pop-rap style. (Boy, I'm pretty sure my parents have NO idea what that last paragraph meant.) Anyway, on conclusion, my "pacemaker" friend approached again:
PACEMAKER: Where'd you learn to do that? I'm a black Jew and I can't do that!
ESTHER: [Laughs good-naturedly]
PACEMAKER: [suddenly shouting] Gimme that hair! [Grabs ESTHER's head in both his hands, and plants a big wet kiss on her right temple.]
By that point, other people were singing...but I did have time for one more: "Criminal" was good, if a little dark to end on--I just hope that with all those proclamations of bad behavior in the song, there weren't any lawyers in the audience. But it was late, and I had to drive (yes, DRIVE) home, so we called it a night. So I grabbed Pacemaker and we left.
Um, yes. Of course that last sentence was a joke...jeez.
And sorry for not listing all of AL's and Joel's songs, but my memory's shot. Now, I'm off to do--oh, crap. I don't remember.
As I recall, for me it was:
Roadhouse Blues -- The Doors
Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous -- Good Charlotte
One For My Baby (And One More for the Road) -- Ole Blue Eyes
And I think I may be forgetting one more. Thanks for being the impetus!
Posted by: Fun Joel | February 23, 2006 at 05:53 AM
PACEMAKER: [suddenly shouting] Gimme that hair! [Grabs ESTHER's head in both his hands, and plants a big wet kiss on her right temple.]..
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Nu, you see what interesting people you meet when you get out of the house?
My friend Charlie the rich dermatologist gave me his old copy of The Jewish Week, 2/17, where I read "an initial flush of happiness can lead to a bigger flush of crapiness".
Can any of us even HOPE to be able to write like that? Keep up the good work. Simcha
Posted by: Simcha | February 23, 2006 at 10:38 AM
Simcha, everyone who posts is hoping to be a real writer, but this is a lazy way of doing nothing. Esther start saying Tehillim every day you may
find it helpful. You are an Ish Chashuva.
Posted by: Jobber | February 23, 2006 at 08:19 PM
I think I'll call my blog, zerocomments. I have an addiction to making comments on other peoples blogs that are unfriendly and worse.
I try to be clever and funny, but I don't it right.
SO the best thing would be to stop posting, but the addiction to it is very strong.
Like people you see on Oprah's show.
Does Oprah do a podcast?
Esther should do a podcast of a date. She would ask her audiences who wants to be on a poddate w/ her, there we have created a new term and scene.
The costs of the date would be picked up by one of the Jewlicious moguls.
Good luck to all, I am leaving,
Jobber
Posted by: Jobber | February 23, 2006 at 08:23 PM
Esther sounds like quite a show! When is it Karaoke in NYC? I need to see your act it live.
Hey do you know if Sasha Cohen is Jewish? Her name sounds like it but I've never heard an announcer say it or read it in print. Anybody know?
Posted by: Some Loser | February 24, 2006 at 04:02 AM
Sasha is definitely a yiddene. Not all jews are ugly and yutzy, this writer included.
From Wikpedia:
"Alexandra Pauline "Sasha" Cohen (born October 26, 1984) is the reigning United States National Champion in figure skating. Cohen also owns a silver medal from the 2006 Winter Olympics.
Cohen was born in Westwood, a neighborhood in Los Angeles, California. Her mother, Galina, is a Ukrainian Jewish immigrant and a former prima ballerina; her father, Roger Cohen, is an American Jewish lawyer. Sasha is the Ukranian nickname for Alexandra. A gymnast from an early age, Sasha switched to figure skating when she was seven years old. She is best known for her spiral sequences and layback spins as well as her flexibility and grace on the ice.
Simcha
Posted by: Simcha | February 24, 2006 at 08:02 AM
Simcha thanks for the info.
As long as we are talking skating sort of a sore subject but some might find this interesting based on past board postings/comments.
You remember Nancy Kerrigan who won the Silver (shoulda got Gold) in women's figure skating in 1998? Hard not to I'd say after the big bru-ha-ha that happened when dumpy ass Tonya Harding sent her goon out to eliminate Nancy from competition.
Anyway Nancy's not a Mandi Moore type stunning blonde, but a fine looking specimen of gentile womanhood and to be honest quite The Meal Ticket also if you get my drift.
So what does her then married manager who is a Jew do once the Olympics are over? He leaves the missus and six year old son behind and marries Nancy!
Posted by: Some Loser | February 25, 2006 at 06:32 AM