MY URBAN KVETCH

Best of 2005: My Urban Kvetch Edition

Best Viral Internet Download Featuring a New ComedyJewCrush: Lazy Sunday (The Chronic(What?)Cles of Narnia). Between this and "Lettuce," Andy Samberg, watch out...your fanpost is coming...

Best Podcasts: Harry and Ziva at the View From Here and The Ricky Gervais Show

Most Flattering Crossover of Bloglife Into Real Life: When EV and Proud Self-Loather came to my Purim show (although it's possible they came to see Corddry, see ad at left, but still...)

Best Student Conference on Jewish Identity: Jewlicious @ The Beach (registration for JTB2 starts soon)

Best TV I'm Watching: Lost, Nip/Tuck, Rescue Me, Law & Order: SVU, 24 (first season, yes, I'm starting slow)

Best TV I'm Not Watching: Bones, How I Met Your Mother, Entourage, Arrested Development (because I'm a season behind...)

Best J-Blogosphere Idea That Never Took Off: Jewschool's Ethical Speech Initiative. Why no liftoff? I blame the little rebbe icon. Still, a good idea to think before you post. Plus, this post also has 2005's Best Post-Blogbattle Reconciliation Photo, too.

Best Year in Review of Another Blog Authored By Me: JDaters Anonymous (seriously, if you haven't tried it, now's your chance)

Best Bloggers' Visit to a Winery: Jewlicious, Esther, and Annabel Lee visit the Baron Herzog Winery

Most Literary/Gastronomic Blogrelationship Between Bloggers Who Have Never Met: Hilary and Ari (they send each other books, recipes and cupcake liners)

Best New Platonic Blogger Shidduch That I Take Some Credit For and Which Resulted in a Trip to Las Vegas: Annabel Lee and Hilary (like Thelma & Louise without the murder, attempted rape or "big finish")

New Blogs I'm Hoping to Read More of in 2006: JeruGuru, ILikedYourProfile, Shabot Shablog, JDater

Old Off-the-Radar Blogfriends I'm Hoping to See More of in 2006: Deb, Fish, the now blogless Candace, Ginger

Most Ambitious Media Plan for 2006: Me (TV, web, radio, publishing, area appearances, cross-country and international locations, auntdom, world domination...it's all in the works, so stay tuned to be a part of it...)

People Whom I've Never Met But For Whose Comments and Readership I Am Nonetheless Grateful: You.

Wishing you all, bloggers and commenters, old and young, Jewish and non-Jewish, male or female, rabbinical students and rabbis, neighbors and friends and faraway not-yet-friends, a happy and healthy 2006. May all of our dreams come true.

Love,
Esther

Totally Sirius (SUPER-MEGA-UPDATED)

Basically, ignore any information about my StudioJ radio interview that you had in your brain. We're back on for Sunday at 3pm EST, Channel 140 on Sirius Satellite Radio.

So starting the year with Esther is back on, but there's still no brunch. I mean, not for you. I'll be having brunch with my familiy and not listening to myself on the radio. But if you miss me, you can find the show on the Bnai Brith website (URL below) sometime after the show airs ...

I wish I were inviting all of you to brunch at my house on New Year's Day. But that'll have to wait until my under-construction imaginary property in the Hollywood Hills is company-ready.

In the interim, I offer my first radio interview, conducted last week and airing SUNDAY, JANUARY 1 on StudioJ Radio, on SIRIUS satellite radio Channel 140 at 3 PM EDT, DATE TBA. That's right, I've been bumped for more seasonal, and less-evergreen, content, which is totally understandable. Stay tuned here, and I will keep you updated as the new date is announced. Or cancelled and reannounced. Or whatever.

If you miss it live, or don't have satellite radio, you should (eventually) be able to find it on the Bnai Brith website (in the right column, click the button that says "iTunes/MP3 Player").

Random family note: those who click on this past week's show will notice an interview with Rabbi Moshe Edelman about Conservative Jews and intermarriage. Rabbi Edelman's daughter is married to my brother, who was featured in that Microsoft commercial about "the actuary," and as a talking head in "So Jewtastic." (Yes, we're Jewish in my family. Why do you ask?)

Next stop on my Sirius tour? Undoubtedly Howard Stern. (Er...actually, I hope not...)

The Force is Strong In His Family...

Talent's a tricky thing...is it genetic? I mean, my parents are word people, and of three siblings, two of us ended up writers. My dad's a computer guy, too--so goeth the missing sibling. We're also all involved in various types of performance, from my improv (and rockin' karaoke nights worldwide) to my brother's comedic VH1 punditry, and not discounting my other brother's remarkable musical talents. So how much of the talent in us is a function of our growing up in a creative home, and how much of it is actually embedded in our genetic code?

I don't have the answers. But here's a family legacy I found interesting:

The head writer of the Electric Company (who also worked on Captain Kangaroo, Dick Cavett, Alice, Benson and the Golden Girls) was also the son of a writer (Leave It To Beaver, Dick Van Dyke, Andy Griffith and Donna Reed). The son, the third generation of writer in his family, worked on Roseanne before reshaping the TV landscape with his own creations: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly, which became the movie Serenity.

Environment? Genetics? Midochlorians? Who cares, as long as we've got Joss.

UPDATE, 1/1/06: And we do have Joss, here in TV Guide with his hilarious predictions for the state of television in aught-six. A sampling of his insights....

Obviously, we'll see advances in technology. TiVo, iPods, streaming video — the way we watch TV is changing dramatically. It's on our phones, in our cars — even projected on specialized eyeglasses. But don't listen to the talk about having shows beamed directly into your brain. That's science-fiction nonsense. Shows will be stored in the pancreas and will enter the brain through the bloodstream after being downloaded into your iHole.

Joss, Buffy may have retired, but you still slay me.

JIB Nominations Now Online

Well, in the next few days, the voting will begin in the second annual Jewish and Israel Blogs Awards (JIBs), and a few of my blogprojects have earned nominations:

My Urban Kvetch has been nominated for Best Personal Blog and Best Jewish Culture Blog.

JDaters Anonymous earned a nod for Best Jewish Humor Blog.

Jewlicious was the big winner with EIGHT noms: for Best Series (Hate Site of the Weak), Best Post (Conservative Judaism), Best Designed Blog, Best Israel Advocacy Blog, Best Overall Blog, Best Politics Blog, Best Jewish Culture Blog, Best Group Blog, and I think that's it, but I may have missed one.

Many of the categories represent stiff competition, among blogfriends and blogquaintances. The best thing we can agree on, before voting gets underway, is to stay friends.

The complete list of nominees is here.

What to Expect When Your Friends Are Expecting...

Welcome to the world of Doda Esther, now encapsulated in this convenient Jewish Week article...

All in all, I'm pretty happy with this article, which is not one of my regular columns...it will appear in the annual Directions guide that the Jewish Week publishes at the end of every December. This year's theme was Parenting. (No, I haven't been hiding my secret children from you, but that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion. Apparently.)

[...] Increasingly, I found myself a visitor in a strange world. A single, female Gulliver in Lilliput, I was surrounded by diminutive, tactless humans, each of whom seemed to redefine the “id” of “kid” — eating, sleeping, crying, pooping, all punctuated by the occasional comment that sometimes crossed the line from cuteness over into insulting. Like the time my honorary niece, who had always loved me, said “Esther, you don’t have a pretty face.” A mean, unsolicited comment about my personal appearance that was utterly without context? What was this, JDate?

Even my vocabulary, my superpower if ever I had one, was of no use here. Words were just different here — for the first year or so, it all seemed like gibberish. Farberizing. Lactation consultant. Exersaucer. Bjorn. Poop journal. By Gymini, this had become Bizarro-world. I knew the law of the jungle: adapt or die. So I added words and phrases to my repertoire, tried to steel myself against the inevitable “unplugged” comments from the little rascals, and mastered a rudimentary mimicry of Elmo. I even endured multiple showings of 'Baby Einstein' — above and beyond the call of duty for non-related adults. But I had to adapt, because this is a terrain I’m expected to cover one day soon; this expectation is clear to every single Jewess, especially as she heads into her 30s. [...]

I also mention the extreme reactions that people had to the "Fricken Babies" post on Jewlicious. And the bonus is that the article also has a really cute picture of me and my nephew. OK, so most of the cuteness is him, but you can still tell by the photo that I'm pretty darned happy to be sitting there with him.

Anyway, enjoy...your feedback on the article, and stories about children are, as always, welcome here...

Jewtopia Review at InterfaithFamily.com

Hey, remember Jewtopia?

I wrote a review of it for InterfaithFamily.com. Here's an excerpt:

The humor bounces back between more superficial, Borscht Belt-y punch-lines and deeper, “funny-because-it's-true/sad/shameful” comedy. Jewtopia's humor is not the flavor that might be expected from the show's Gen-X writers, Sam Wolfson and Bryan Fogel; it's less Jon Stewart, more Jackie Mason. Throughout the play, issues of culture and identity pop up like comic whack-a-moles, waiting to be smacked down by ludicrously loud stereotypes and high-energy punch-lines. Throughout, the intent is to portray dating in the modern age, but some audience members see the humor as self-loathing, and the characters' choices as saying that all's kosher in love and dating.

As I discussed the play with audience members, Suzy, raised Reform in the Midwest and a NYC-based Jewish communal worker for over a decade, noted that the main characters don't seem to be searching to embrace another religion per se, rather, they are seeking what their own life experiences lacked. “Chris came from a military home devoid of intimacy and love, and met Jews who love their children, almost too much. Turning to Judaism is his way to connect with people in a way his family never encouraged. And Adam has had too much of that intimacy; therefore, he looks for a woman completely different than himself, that is to say, someone not Jewish,” she comments.

The entire review is available here.

Queen of Rock and Roll

I'm tired. It's late. My voice is shot. My makeup is smeared, like I'm the Courtney Love of the Upper West Side Jews. And maybe I was, at rock-and-roll karaoke at Arlene's Grocery on the Lower East Side. Although, not so much Courtney; more like a purer princess of rock, as I moved through one song, backed by a live rock-and-roll band.

And it almost didn't happen. The virgins stole my song, as first-time karaoke'ers are likely to do; the fault of the emcee, could be, who knows, who cares, when the end result is a complete and utter rock-and-roll blowout, when Hit Me with Your Best Shot is destroyed by the less-experienced voices, while Sweet Child O'Mine rocks as righteously as a rapping rabbi.

No. None of the adversity matters, nor the oblique, vaguely indiscernible nature of this post. Only the music, and the company of friends who rocked on and on, and who all came to the simultaneous, unarguable position that it was time to go home, together. What remains is a raw, primal feeling in my throat, a dull throb center-skull, and the digital photographs that prove it all happened.

I am SO doing this again.

Cawfee Tawk: Mike Myers to Divorce

Before Danger became his middle name, and sometime after he started broadcasting Wayne's World from his character's basement in Aurora, IL, Mike Myers got his Jewish mother on with the character Linda Richman, who was based on his real-life Jewish mother-in-law.

Now, TVSquad announces, Myers and his wife Robin are divorcing after twelve years of marriage. And I'm inexplicably sad. But I guess it happens in Hollywood. At least Angelina Jolie wasn't responsible for the breakup...that we know of...

What I've learned? Mike Myers likes Jewish women. And he's single. The Jewish people always want their daughters to marry doctors. Does it matter if it's Dr. Evil? I mean, he does own Starbucks...

Last Minute Shopper?

Just in case you're a last-minute shopper, I offer these shortcuts to gift-buying...

Now You See Me...Rochelle Krich's new detective novel about the Orthodox world and internet predators sensitively handles both subjects, underscoring the need for parents to be more aware of what their teens are doing while navigating issues of privacy, tumultuous adolescence and the way that the Orthodox community deals with both. Bonus: for those who live in, or who recently have visited, Los Angeles, the streets and neighborhoods of that city also feature prominently in the narrative. Order here.

OyBaby 1&2: For the brilliant Jewish babies in your life. Baby Einstein plus Jewish minus all the annoyingness.

Amazon.com: Many people you know may have Amazon wishlists. And what with Chanukah being eight days long, there's still plenty of time for gift-giving! I'm just saying.

Hanukkah Counts Too! A new illustrated Hanukkah book by Howard Shapiro about Tom and Tupelo, "the only Jewish kids in their third grade class at Pablo Neruda Elementary School and the only Jewish family on Mt. Ragged Road." The book talks about what it's like for children to be among only a few Jews in a mostly Christian environment. For copies, email Howard at [email protected].

Wacky Jewish music your scene? If you think the chasidic reggae superstar Matisyahu's too mainstream now, you may want to try Meshugga Beach Party, where traditional Jewish melodies meet instrumental surf music. No, I'm not kidding...it's like the bastard child between Kol Nidre and the Miserlou. Or perhaps you're looking for the musical heir to early 90s rap band 2LiveJews? If so, maybe Chutzpah's your scene, with their new album, Eponymous (watch out, one of their songs "Curse of the Blessing" is oddly infectious). Of course, there's also the Leevees, whose new album "Hanukkah Rocks" has totally gone nuclear these last few weeks. I downloaded "Jewish Girls (At the Matzah Ball)" which I didn't think was cheesy at all. But Muffti from Jewlicious disagrees with me. So I guess it's all relative. I should have been on top of this trend, since Hilary's been very Guster-centered ever since I discovered her blog two years ago...

Anyway, will add more here as things occur to me. But that's it for now. In a word: wishlists. Take care everyone, and may we all get the world peace we'd gladly trade in our gifts for...

It Gets Me Every Time...

Every year, round yuletide time, there's this one commercial that totally gets to me every time. And it's an old commercial that they only rerun in December. The look of it is totally dated and old, and there's a weird 80s style glowiness to the screen when the commerical airs.

Peter sneaks into his parents' house in the morning, home from college, or God knows where. His incredibly much younger sister is awake and says, "Peter! You're home! Everyone's still sleeping." "Shh," says Peter, "I know just how to wake them."

Cut to the parents waking up, smelling the newly caffeinated air and--because this is the time before automatic timers on our coffeemakers--knowing that either something wonderful has happened or someone has broken into their house and made them coffee. They embrace the son who has returned to them, apparently without calling first..."Peter!!"

The best part of waking up is Folger's in your cup...

[Waaah...cue the solitary, Demi-Moore-in-Ghost tear running down the face of unsuspecting, overly sensitive Upper West Side writers watching Law & Order marathons...]

I have a new coffeemaker, and it has a timer. I'm going to set it up to wake me tomorrow morning. Hopefully, I won't cry.