No reason to kid about a site whose sole purpose is to translate English words and phrases into "R2D2-ese." I tried "Jewish identity" as my opening phrase, followed by "hydroplaning." They sounded remarkably similar, in that they both made me feel like a complete idiot for even visiting the site.
And with that, enjoy the R2D2 Translator.
Lost, lost...normalcy is lost...and I must embrace the fact that has been inevitable since I first saw Star Wars...I've turned to the dark side, and it's only a matter of time before William Shatner jumps out from behind my CD tower and tells me to "get a life." (Yes, even though it's "the wrong show.")
Yeah, it was gradual. Frame-by-frame, if we retrace our steps. Perhaps it was seeing the original trilogy about 50 times on Channel 11 and then in the grainy splendor of VHS. (I lost count after that). I can probably blame my brother a little bit for his extensive collection of Star Wars figures that taught me all the names of the obscure but memorably designed creatures like Max Rebo, Admiral Akbar, Nien Nunmb and Salacious Crumb. They even helped me in school. When I had difficulties pronouncing the word "admirable" (I kept saying "adMYrable"), I mnemonicked: "Oh, like "Admirable Akbar." And when a PSAT section on analogies used the word Rancor, I knew it
couldn't be good and looked for the closest analog to "big angry monster with lots of teeth that Jabba the Hutt might keep under his floor to eat errant slave girls and pig-faced guards."
Clearly, the establishment of a "May the Force Be With Us" category on this site was one symptom. The late-night immersion in conspiracy and sci-fi via the X-Files was another. And my falling head over heels with my new Wired subscription was like the tingling in in your left arm that signals a coronary event. But the good kind that sparks your awareness of yourself, that makes you feel alive, you know, like the feeling of the wind in your rumpled hair as you glide across the hot sands of Tatooine in morning, under the heat of two suns fighting each other for supremacy of sunrise in the reddish gold sky.
And then there was the sentence I wrote in my book proposal, which I include contextless here, so you can see how deep the psychosis goes: "I feel suddenly ill, like Obi-Wan Kenobi, who sensed the destruction of an entire planet and was physically weakened." I had internalized the language in less than ten parsecs. It was time to go off to Taschi to pick up some power converters.
And my odd fascination with this StarWars.com feature that analyzes frame-by-frame how the 1980 version of ESB differs from the 2004 rerelease, down to the last gas trail from rebel snow speeders on Hoth. And my obsession with the names of Star Wars and whether they're of biblical or Hebrew origin. There was my going to a late-night showing of Episode 3, even though it wasn't opening night. There was the fact that I went to see this show. Twice.
Beyond the galaxy far, far away, there was other geekitude, but most of your probably viewed it as a girlish weakness for all things Whedon. Beyond Buffy and Angel, there have been other symptoms. Even before I subscribed to David Pogue's posts, or became a blogger, or delighted in Lifehacker, and before I started beginning all my sentences with "There was this really cool gadget in Wired that...", there were signs that I was getting in too deep. And you all are complicit in my nerdicization, for you did nothing to prevent it. I hope you're happy with yourselves.
Ever wonder what would have happened if Darth Vader had a younger, less talented brother who was a day shift manager at a local supermarket? No? Me either. But that doesn't stop those wacky MySpacers. Click the link below for a tragicomic tale that's part Star Wars, part Go.
Get this video and more at MySpace.com
Is Israel on a hellmouth? Is the truth out there, and what's the deal with the black oil? In space, can anyone hear you scream? Was matzah created by mutants? And does Frodo wearing the ring create an impromptu "harei ata mekudash" between the young hobbit and the forces of evil?
I seldom find myself thinking, "gee, I wish I were in Holon for Pesah." But this year's an exception, with this week's Meditech sci-fi conference (running between April 16 and 18), sponsored by The Israeli Society for Science Fiction and Fantasy, Starbase 972, The Israeli Tolkien Society and The Sunnydale Embassy in Israel (fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer). Plus, because the conference is happening in Israel during Passover, we've got special thematically and dietarily appropriate elements:
[director of the event Ilan] Aminov adds that the theme, "destiny and free will," is an appropriate one for Pessah. With the kosher-for-Passover fare that will be served and the committed fans who follow their favorite shows with fervor, the result is something of a religious experience.
And it's also worth noting that in some systems (most notably, on a small moon near the ice planet Hoth) "beam us up" is a synonym for aliyah.
For more, check out olamot.org. And if you go, send me a report or something.
[reposted from Jewlicious]
UPDATE: William Shatner could not attend this intervention due to his exercising of his prerogative to rock with the rest of his crew at karaoke...
Paging William Shatner...your services are needed over at StarWars.com, where a new blog features a Star Wars joke of the day.
What's a Star Wars joke? Try one of these:
How many Jawas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four -- three to pile on top of each other to reach the socket, and another to sell the old bulb "as good as new."
Utinni!
Or, perhaps this floats your landspeeder...
How do you melt all the ice on Hoth?
Take away an "h" and make it hot!
And I thought I was bad, with a category called "May the Force Be With Us"? Bill, please report to StarWars.com, jump out from behind a Gungan and tell this poor chap to "get a life..."
The dude, YZ Freedman, looks like half the men I know on the Upper West Side. At first I assumed he was single, and that he could be finding his shidduch, and instead he's spending all his time on the internet sorting through jokes about how it's become impossible to find parking at Mos Eisley Spaceport. But according to the profile on StarWars.com, the dude's got a daughter. And a dayjob working for Entertainment Tonight. And he "doesn't post on Saturdays," which I assume is code for "I'm observant."
Which leads me to the following observation...
Germans love David Hasslehoff. Jews love Star Wars. Discuss.
I'm a little bit of a scifi/fantasy nerd--a condition for which I blame the original Star Wars trilogy and the opus magnus of Joss Whedon. Now said condition is worsening, thanks to Lost. But I digress.) So to protect myself, I took myself to another coast to avoid dealing with the "should I stay or should I go" of New York ComicCon.
Looking over the schedule of events, I'm actually relieved to see that most of the session titles are all Geek Greek to me...but I'm a smidge frightened of the "Jedi Academy" workshop that teaches how to use your lightsaber...um, I'm resisting like eight jokes now...
Fifteen minutes into the Jack Black episode of SNL this week, the following gem:
"Let's just eat our pizza before the portal to Hoth opens again."
OK, it was funnier delivered in context. And because I recently saw the One-Man Star Wars Trilogy (playing in NYC only until the end of the month/year).
Oh wait...Christmastime for the Jews..."Fiddler on the Roof' with Jewish actors...Daily Show reruns 
dancing in their heads..." Claymationesque genius from my new bud* Robert Smigel and apparently, looking at the credits, with a writing credit from my old Shushan Channel co-star Julie Klausner, left, also photographed at the Jewcy benefit last Sunday. That was some artists' colony, there. The creative energy, if tapped, could have fueled an entire new year of comedy and possibly ended the war in Iraq. Oh well. Mazal tov, Julie, on your contribution to what is destined to become a holiday-time classic.
Watching Amy Poehler, I'm reminded that I'd really love to spend an evening hanging out with her and husband Will Arnett (Arrested Development's GOB). I predict at least one of us laughs until she pees.
"A Very Downer Christmas..." I still don't know how Rachel Dratch manages to make all those faces and not burst into a laughing fit. "You were really starting to bring out my Seasonal Affective Disorder." Nice. But seriously, with all that hypochondria and complaining and worrying, I thought it was abundantly clear that Debbie Downer is Jewish. Just me?
But seriously, best part of the show, IMHO: the short digital film starring Andy Samberg and Chris Parnell...both excellent comedic rappers despite their chronic ("-WHAT? ...cles of Narnia") whiteness. I thought that gangsta rap style rhyming from those guys about them going to the Magnolia Bakery, picking up snacks at a convenience store and then going to see a movie was awesome, and I' hope it can be downloaded somewhere...
There was more to SNL, but there always is.
(PS: Thanks to Comedian for supplying the link to the Chronic(les) of Narnia video.)
*Not actually a bud, so I can't get any of y'all jobs, sorry.
A strong-willed herald of causes against injustice, you passionately strive to right the wrongs around you. Somebody has to save our skins!
Two things worth noting: the name of the site, TK421. You know what I mean....plus, this comes to you via Chayyei Sarah...
If you've ever said, what the world needs now is a Star Wars musical, then book your intergalactic ass on a starcruiser and hit the hyperdrive if you have to...you gotta be on time for tonight's premiere of Star Wars: The Musical at the MIT student center.
The two fans, MIT Theater Guild (MTG) members Rogue Shindler and Jeff Suess, wrote and wrote, grafting snappy Star Wars lyrics onto tunes from such Broadway hits as "Cats," "West Side Story," "Les Miserables" and "Phantom of the Opera." The delirious result is "Star Wars Trilogy: Musical Edition," the MTG production opening Friday, Nov. 11, with shows Nov. 11-13 and 16-20 in La Sala de Puerto Rico, MIT Student Center.
The production, known as "SWT: ME," retells "Star Wars: A New Hope," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "The Return of the Jedi" in a three-act parody of science fiction, musical theater and George Lucas' famous Jedi saga.
Apparently, they've spent a lot of money on the production, especially costumes. The woman designing the costumes went to great lengths to procure taxidermy eyes for the Ewoks and "inflatable sumo suits" for the Gamorrean Guards. (And yes, I'm afraid of/sad for myself for actually knowing what Gamorrean Guards are.) The cast did a performance at a benefit, where Anthony Daniels (C3PO) wished them a mazal tov on their Threepio costume at a recent opening of a Star Wars exhibit at the Boston Museum of Science.
Daniels "shook my hand and told me it was a 'masterful performance.' It was a tremendous honor," said [costume designer Eleanor] Pritchard.
Weird fact: the guy who plays Luke Skywalker in this production hadn't seen the movies until last summer. I'm surprised that this didn't launch a casting revolt along the lines of Brit Vivien Leigh being hired to play Scarlett in Gone With the Wind instead of a southerner, or when Asian actors protested the casting of Jonathan Pryce in Miss Saigon.
Lando Calrissian, on the other hand, is played by a woman who's been "preparing for a musical Star Wars since [she] was three years old."
I know. I couldn't believe it either. First the Time Travel Conference, and now this? It's like, totally subverting the pictures we all had in our heads of what it means to be an MIT student...
I know that "You See Us As You Want to See Us" field trip didn't work out, but here's another chance.
Playing until October 31:
"Imagine Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, C3PO, Chewbacca and R2D2 — all on-stage, all performed by one actor," the production notes tease. "Charles Ross, the writer and solo performer, plays all the characters, recreates the effects, sings the music, flies the ships, wields the swords and fights both sides of the battles. Ross spent much of his childhood in a galaxy far, far away, while his adulthood has been similar. He has portrayed a giant caterpillar, taught children about conservation and performed with such respected groups as the Eclectic Circus, Theatre SKAM and the Western Canada Theatre Company."
Showtimes: Tuesday at 8 PM, Wednesday at 3 PM and 8 PM, Thursday at 8 PM, Friday at 8 PM * and Saturday at 10:30 PM. Tickets are $39...who's in for late August? Nerd readers, unite...
*No Friday night shows for me...
Change is good
