MY URBAN KVETCH

Adding Your Twimprimatur & Other Social Media Secrets

What’s a Twimprimatur? Here’s a hint: I made it up during a radio interview as the DJ was quizzing me about proper use of the RT (retweet) function on Twitter.

And here’s another hint: imprimatur + Twitter. (Imprimatur literally means “let it be printed,” but here are some more definitions.)

In July, I was interviewed by Rusty Mike Radio in Jerusalem - we went deep into blogging, Twitter, Facebook, and more. Check out the entire interview here, for insights into making these social media work better for you, as well as stories about Jewish innovation, how to make blogging into a quasi-career, how my online network got me a new computer, and what my connection is to Madonna.

 

Madonnayahu: Where's Madge for Shabbos?

You might think the answer to this question is easy. I mean, I've invited her for Shabbos dinner so many times I can't count. But if you're thinking she finally said yes to me, your saying that just pushed me over the borderline. In Israel for her extremely well-attended concerts (to feel almost like you were there, see Benji's exhaustive rundown), Madonna, just like any visitor, needed a place for Shabbat. So who's she staying with? Some 'yahu.

Madonna, Netanyahu - Netanyahu, Madonna.

Possible topics for discussion may include taking your kids to Auschwitz, how to become an Israeli journalist without really trying, and how you too can have challah arms. If they become an item, they'll be known as Madonnayahu. If they break up, Madonna gets to keep the name, in case she goes on tour with Matisyahu.

Whether you're the world's most famous female pop star, the Prime Minister of Israel, or civilians like the rest of us, wishing you all a Shabbat shalom.

Trump, Madonna, Elections, Nick & Norah, Mad Men & Homer Simpson, Witches, and More!

As usual, my posts at Idol Chatter run the gamut this month--gallivanting across an open field of mixed flowers like Ivanka Trump's impending conversion, Nick & Norah & Jewish identity, a Mad Men/Simpsons mashup and my favorite witches, a list that includes Elphaba, the Charmed Ones and the witch of Endor. (Even in a witch list, I'm that Jewy.)

Other topics I pummel this month include:

• How to start the cross-party healing after the election
• Barack O'Lanterns
• Religious Jews wigging out over "the Palin" sheitel
• An examination of religion and extremism through the lens of "Religulous"
• Madge's money in the divorce settlement
• Aqsa-Tube
• A rabbi's son shares his Jesus Year
• Jewish Living magazine folds
• and the IDF is tracking draft-dodgers on Facebook.

All in all, I'd say it's been a pretty full month.

What's in Vogue on Shabbos Nachamu?: Madonna to Renew Marriage Vows

Oh, Madonnanthology. Just when I think I've left your company behind, you come back, turning up like a bad penny or an "American Life" album. And just when I think Madonna's particular brand of non-Jewish Jewyness has reached its Mount Sinai (see also, "I'm Sorry," from the "Confessions on a Dance Floor" album, and say it with me...'slicccchhhha...'), there's more.

Nachamu, nachamu, ami--be comforted, my nation...be comforted. Wait, was that "my nation," or "LiveNation"?

Instead of running off to a singles weekend on La Isla Bonita -- ("What's that, girl? There's trouble? Madonna's marriage is down the well?") -- Madonna and husband are going to be spending the Shabbat after Tisha B'Av renewing their vows. (It's not clear that they will be fasting for Tisha B'Av, but Shabbos Nachamu is apparently their special holiday of love. If I'd been able to reach them for comment I have no doubt the celebrity couple would have said, "In your face, Bangitout Tu B'Av Party.")

You can read about it in my Beliefnet post here.

It's July 4, and What's More American than Madonna?

Apple pie. Baseball. Michigan-born pop stars who become expatriates and dwell in London. Nothing more American than that. Or at least I think there's nothing more American than that. It's kind of hard to tell, as my Israelification continues.

But it's July 4, which still means something to me...that's why I'm bringing you this post, which might as well mark the re-emergence of the Madonnanthology category on this here blog. Except that I did it over at Beliefnet's Idol Chatter.

Check out the scene:

[INT: evening]

London, Ritchie/Ciccone Mansion, dinnertime. The family sits at the table.
RITCHIE: Rocco, tell your mum to pass the salt.
MADONNA: Lola, tell your father that we have an appointment to see Rabbi Berg today and he'd better be there.
ROCCO: I've had it with passing the salt to you two. I'm going to my wing.
LOLA: And I'll be in my wing. And PS, mom, I'm a Buddhist. So there.

END SCENE

Post continues here.

And a happy Fourth of July to all.

"Happy New Year, Mr. President..."

At the turn of the new year, Jews everywhere look into their hearts, try to better themselves, and pray for a new year full of fresh ideas and opportunities. Like to revive a seemingly abandoned blog category.

Just when we thought Madonna was so over Jews, Our Lady of Reinvention has set her lot with the Jewish people once more: spending Rosh Hashanah in Israel, and meeting with the Israeli President.

According to the AP:

The pop star was seen entering Shimon Peres' home in Jerusalem with husband Guy Ritchie after the end of the Jewish New Year at sunset Saturday. The Nobel Peace laureate gave Madonna a copy of the Old Testament that she had requested, Israeli TV reported.

No word as to whether her Madgliness serenaded Peres a la Monroe/Kennedy with a "Hag Sameah, Mr. President," but after her immersion in the Old Testament, I'm sure that we can look forward to singles like "Like a Nazirite" and "Holiday (Why Are There So Many?)."

Long live the Madonnanthology.

Madgedoption!

After weeks of visiting African orphanages and media teases of "she's adopted! oh no, she hasn't, false alarm...", a high court in Malawi filed some papers that indicate that Madonna and husband Guy Ritchie can take custody of a one-year-old boy named David. The boy is not an orphan, though. David's father was widowed when David's mother died in childbirth a year ago. Madge and Guy have apparently promised to bring David home for a visit every once in a while, so his father gets to see him.

But this seems a little odd to me. Why not adopt a child who's truly an orphan? Or send a million dollars to help the entire village of impoverished people instead of rescuing one boy from destitution and raising him in a castle in England? How do you take a boy from his father and say, "yes, you're still poor--you stay here, and we'll take your son to a life in the lap of luxury, ok? He'll do fine. You just do whatever it is you do here, and every once in a while. we'll let you guys visit each other." I just don't get it.

But it's Madge. Who am I to question Her ways?

Best Gossipy Interview I've Ever Read

"She stamped her foot in a sexy pastiche of exasperation."

If you love sentences like this, you'll love this interview with Madonna's old "Next Best Thing" co-star Rupert Everett. Among other things, he reveals that he actually met Madge years ago, during the Sean Penn years, and had been dying to work with her--that's the only reason he did "NBT," actually. But beyond wanting to work with her, he also wanted to kill her because he thought Madge might be Satan. This revelation occurred after hearing Madonna's "Justify My Love" at a bar he was working at.

The song ended and the DJ chimed in with some very disturbing news. ‘If you play that last track backwards, apparently there is a message to Satan,’ he said. ‘Just listen to this.’ A weird noise groaned over the radio as the track babbled backwards and then a deep voice said: ‘I. Love. You. Satan.’

My blood went cold. This was it. Madonna was Satan. I had been sent to kill her. It all made sense. My fascination with her . . . my Catholic background back in England . . . I could hear the abbey bells at Ampleforth, my old school, ringing in my head. The feeling subsided but I was quite shocked by my reaction. I only had to be two or three degrees more bitter and neurotic about my life, and there could have been an explosion.

He also provides luscious description of the Material Girl's physical transformation. (And if any of you ever write like this about my physical transformation, I will hunt you down.)

The original Material Girl, with her puppy fat and boot-boy legs squeezed into a tutu, was a vague whispering wind around this new alabaster goddess with her swimmer’s shoulders and tiny waist. Everything about her had changed, and what hadn’t had been carefully wrapped in psychological Clingfilm and locked inside an interior fridge.

Seriously, the dude can dish, and the dude can write. One of the best "I was there" type stories I've ever read. Check it out.

"Nobody Expects the Russian Inquisition!"

Those of us who thought Madonna wasn't offending enough people with her name changes, red strings, cross-dangling, and promises of magical kabbalah fluid can now rest easy with Today's News in Madonna...as Moscow has declared a holy Inquisition against her.

Orthodox and patriotic forces are meeting at Pushkin Square in downtown Moscow in a demonstration against Madonna’s forthcoming Moscow show. Some 100 people holding banners and orthodox flags with large crucifixes placed in the center are participating in the meeting, Interfax reports.

“We declare a new Holy Inquisition that will fight against the sacrilege of crosses, icons, Russian Orthodox symbols, including during Madonna’s show. The singer is an advocate of Kabbalah,” chairman of the Union of Orthodox flag-bearers Leonid Simonovich-Nikshich said at the meeting.

Unclear from the quote whether they object to her sacrilegious use of religious iconography or to her advocacy of Kabbalah..

If you're Jewish (or a Monty Python or Mel Brooks fan), the word inquisition (as in Spanish) evokes historical memories of persecution, forced conversions, torture, expulsions and death. (And not a single puppy.)  One might wonder...how is this inquisition different from all other inquisitions? Luckily, the Russian news sources are helpful in clearing that up.

The main goal of the inquisition will be “to fight against slander, rather than to kill people,” he said.

Oh, so they're the "good kind of Inquisition." Phew. When Madonna takes your name, a girl's gotta be careful about inquisitions declared against her.

Madge's New Bond(age) Ambition

Rumor has it that Madonna's in talks with Lindsay Lohan's and Jessica Simpson's people about the possibility of creating a bondage-driven stage show for the MTV Video Music Awards that will in some ways act as a sequel to her famous Britney/Xtina kiss.

The logistics are tricky, though--with Lohan embracing Kabbalah and with her history of snubbing Simpson, it's going to take either a master diplomat or a lot of money. And I'm sure each of the youngsters are concerned that what happened with the kiss--everyone forgets Christina was even there and focuses on the kiss between Madge and Britney--will happen again, and no one wants to be the forgotten one in this trio. And with both of them vying for the same role in the Dallas movie, it could be all-out war.

Why bondage? Why even ask? This is Madonna we're talking about. And besides, who wouldn't like to beat Lohan and Simpson a little?

Will it really happen? Who knows, but we must consider the source: the story was posted by someone named Heather Honeypot.