MY URBAN KVETCH

Short-Attention Span Theater: Semi-Recent News Edition

Because it's a busy week, I present "The headlines I've read in my Google Alerts and my responses to them."

"Rudd Heaps Israel Praise" (Independent Online - Cape Town, South Africa): They mean the Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd. Call me when Paul Rudd's praising Israel.

"Apatow Nets Sandler, Rogen and Mann For Upcoming Feature" (RottenTomatoes): Duh. Apatow wrote "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" with Sandler, is married to Mann, and is basically even more married (at least professionally) to Rogen. What would be news is if I were "netted" for this upcoming feature.

"Demi Moore Poses With Daughters for Family Portrait" (Hiphop-elements): On aging..."When I look back in the mirror, the reflection I see isn't so bad, because I'm seeing the beauty of my whole being and my whole life." Me too.

"Ashton Kutcher Sued For Stealing Show Anna Nicole Smith Copyrighted And Pitched 3 Years Ago" (Aishamusic.com): Really? And it's not "Beauty and the Geek"?

"Should You Be Injecting Vitamin B-12 Into Your Ass?" (RadarOnline): It's a free country. But here we vote. And I vote no. Just because Madge did it to JT doesn't make it a mitzvah.

Kikar of Darkness: Tel Aviv Does "Earth Hour"

[cross-posted from Jewlicious]

Earth Day? Feh! Tel Aviv's a busy city. Just ask the voice of the city:

"Mah...hishtagatem?? We can't be expected to take a whole day off in honor of the environment!" "What's that? An hour at night? Will there be music? And will the amps be powered by TA-City's best spinning classes? OK, then."

This conversation never took place. At least, we have no documentation thereof. But we do have a video post from Tel Aviv Man-on-the-Rehov Benji Lovitt, of WhatWarZone.com, who captured some of the magic of Earth Hour for those of us who couldn't make it there in person.

Random trivia note that I think is interesting: the band playing is Knesiat Hasechel which translates to "Church of the Mind." Of course, this brings to mind "Church of the Poisoned Mind," by Boy-George-fronted 80s band Culture Club. Which of course, reminds us of the song "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me," in which Boy George famously wore a shirt with what Hebrew non-phrase on it??

That's right people, I never waste an educational opportunity. First one to correctly guess gets...their name in lights on this blog. And by lights, I mean boldface. I do not mess around with the incentives...

Political Leanings Are All Relative: Especially When You're the Pitt-Jolies

You know how awkward discussing politics with family members can be: people are passionate about their candidates, the issues divide families, sometimes right down the middle. But this election just got a whole lot more interesting to the "Us" magazine crowd. Celebrities and politicans are just like us! If we are related to the major political players, that is.

According to researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society, Obama is related to Brad Pitt, and Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie. Not in a "see you at the family reunion!" kind of way, but in the "I can't believe they're on the family tree" kind of way. The celebrities are waaaaay distant cousins of the candidates (9th cousins in both cases, twice removed for Clinton/Jolie), so don't look for either Pitt or Jolie to play the political family card.

But the relating doesn't end there. According to the article, HRC (of French-Canadian descent on her mother's side), is also a distant cousin of Madonna, Celine "My Family Tree Will Go On" Dion and--isn't it ironic? don't you think?--Alannis Morissette. Obama's family is the most politically-oriented: he is related to six U.S. presidents, including George W. Bush. And, winning the title for the least sexy celebrity political distant relation, McCain is a sixth cousin of Laura Bush.

Which makes me wonder....who am I related to? Anna Paquin? (That would explain this appearance in Bangitout's Rave Reviews section, which assigns celebrity photos and fake quotes to "Upper West Side Celebrity look-alikes"--how many of them do you know?)

How to Help Sderot (via The Honey)

[cross-posted at Jewlicious]

Those of you who don’t already subscribe to The Honey newsletter should (in my humble opinion). It’s a regular e-newsletter about life in Israel (written and designed by friends of mine), which highlights great new shops, restaurants and experiences that will enhance your next trip to Israel. And they also include information on how to help–in this issue, Sderot:

There’s only so much partying to be done in the name of Purim, which means it’s time to start thinking of the world beyond. The scenes from Sderot – of cowering children, destroyed homes and lives turned upside down (Peace Man from Gaza and Hope Man from Sderot) make us all wince and want to…do something. Showing support with your wallet is not a new concept, but does help make a difference. We’ve assembled names of several local businesses that can ship within Sderot, across the country, even across the great Atlantic. Get on the phone.

1. Etzel Nissim: Nissim can taken care of sending small Purim gifts – toys, trinkets and costumes – to local children, 08-689-8011.
2. Chai li Prachim: Leeor Yehudai can send plants or flowers countrywide but even better, he can deliver a bouquet or plant to locals whose homes and gardens have been destroyed and need replanting, 08-689-2069.
   3. Markol Super Dahan: Dani Dahan sends gifts countrywide and has all kinds of holiday baskets for Purim and even for Pesach, so call him back in a month, 08-689-7904.
4. Ma’afiyat Oren Meshi: Yigal Shlomi will arrange for a lovely array of freshly baked pastries to be delivered to anyone in the Sderot community. You choose the amount you’d like to donate in ‘baked form,’ 08-672-7171.
   5. Sderot Tours: Plan your next outing in or out of the country with Tzion Auchna, 08-661-0266/7.
6. Artist and sculptor, as well as third-generation Sderoter Haviv Ben-Abu took images of his sculptures and created gift cards so that he could spread the word about his special part of the world, 052-365-6443.

The Honey also notes that “if overseas readers need any help in reaching some of these local business people, just give us a holler at thehoney.israel@gmail.com.” Thanks, the Honey!

(you can subscribe to or see back issues of the Honey here)

Elections Special: Where Does Your Candidate Stand on Health Care?

I don't get into politics much on this blog, and that's not changing anytime soon. People belong to whatever political party they belong to, and support whatever candidate they support. There are many blogs you can go to to get political commentary, and this is not one of them. Politics is something I just don't have the stomach for. For instance, I just read a Newsweek article about how one of the things Hillary will now have to do is to "hunker down for a long struggle where she chips away at Obama's stature." And in another article in the same magazine, there's a report about an Obama mailer that "stretches the differences" between the his and Hillary's health plans. Lovely.

But I do think that health care's a big issue, and so I thought I'd share with you this new "Poligraph" from HealthCentral which maps out the candidates' perspectives and includes opinions from health care experts with various areas of interest.

Thoughts?

Potato, Po-tahto, Osama, Obama...

Let's call the whole "not proofreading our headers before we publish them" thing off...

Okay, CNN?

Denny's Got a Blog

[That post title works best if you sing it to the tune of a certain Aerosmith song.]

The Speaker of the House has started a blog? So saith Newsweek.

Denny's Ditherings (not a real title, unfortunately) are available here.

Given that I can't wait to see which blogs from which political figures land in Paul Davidson's upcoming book, but until then, a question for you...

Which current political figures would produce the most interesting and/or entertaining blogs, do you think?

Zell Miller? Condi? The Bush Twins? (Forget the twins--first of all, they're not political figures, and secondly, they likely have secret blogs already.)

I would really have liked to have seen a Bill-and-Hil joint blog. That would have been compelling evidence reading.

Picture Yourself a Defense Lawyer

I've never subscribed to the intrinsic evilness of lawyers. Thanks to television, I know they can be skinny and quirky (Ally McBeal), sexy and serious (the practice), or older and quirky (Boston Legal). I know that they are the "Order" part of Law & Order. But some of my best friends are lawyers. So I dismiss the generalizations and think of it as just a profession.

So if you can, picture yourself a lawyer. Perhaps an idealist-type of lawyer, who believes in innocent until proven guilty, and burden of proof, and all those great American ideals. Perhaps you're the kind of lawyer who would join a public defender's office and fight for the rights of the accused, never asking their clients' guilt or innocence, just mounting the best defense they can. You get the usual dregs of society--petty theft, assault, B&E--and you know you're part of a system, doing your part to ensure fair trials and the greater good.

And then, one day, your old college buddy calls you. He's in serious trouble with the law. Serious trouble. And he wants you to represent him. So you do. Because you're both from Lambda Kappa Omega or whatever. So you agree.

Oh yeah, and you're in Iraq, and there's no due process, and your buddy/defense client is Saddam Hussein. Hopefully, you've put your affairs in order, because likelihood is that someday during the trial, ten masked gunmen are going to burst into your office, kidnap you and then leave your murdered body outside a neighborhood mosque for the authorities to discover.

It's possible, given the rumored friendship between these two men, that this lawyer actually was full-on, Wolfram and Hart evil. But in any case, this news definitely decides it. At the top of the list of jobs I don't want (right in front of "David Spade's Assistant" and "actuary") goes "Saddam Hussein's Defense Lawyer."

And I hope that doesn't disappoint any of you.

Katrina Relief: Huge List of Organizations Collecting Donations

THIS POST WILL STAY AT THE TOP FOR THE NEXT WEEK OR SO. SCROLL DOWN FOR FRESHER POSTS. Give what you can, where it feels meaningful...-E

My Urban Kvetch friend Ken Wheaton (also of NonDating Life) is a native son of Louisiana, and has posted a way you can help on the local level.

Also, thanks to Cynopsis.com for this incredibly long list of places that are accepting donations of various sorts. Click on for the continuation...

Mardi Gras 2006, Anyone?

I'm resisting the lure of making some sort of pun about next year's Mardi Gras parade floats, and instead just bringing you the following Yahoo! News story:

Dont Count Mardi Gras Out (excerpt)

"I think now more than ever we need a reason to celebrate. It's really at our core," said Arthur Hardy, publisher of the Mardi Gras Guide. "I can't imagine the city rolling over and playing dead and saying, `I surrender.'"

With thousands believed dead and authorities still unable to collect bodies floating in canals and hidden in attics, even the talk of a Mardi Gras celebration might seem disrespectful.

But New Orleans has always loved a good time, and when the two-week, pre-Lent celebration that ends with Fat Tuesday arrives on Feb. 28, floats could be parading down streets now covered in water.

[...] Mardi Gras is enormous even by this city's standards. In 2001, more than 1,000 floats, 500 marching bands and 135,000 people paraded through the streets. One university study estimates the celebration brings in $1 billion a year to New Orleans.

Hardy, who has been publishing his guide for 30 years and is one of the foremost experts on Mardi Gras, said next year's celebration is also important because it's the 150th anniversary of the first formal parades in the city.

The Civil War interrupted partying for a time, and a total of 13 Fat Tuesdays have been canceled because of various conflicts. The Sept. 11 attacks and the 2002 Super Bowl delayed the 2002 parade.

"I've heard some people say we can't do it," Hardy said. "But it's a very significant anniversary and I can't imagine it going unmarked without some kind of parade. It's in our soul to have Mardi Gras."