MY URBAN KVETCH

"Jew-Tang Clan"--The Ever-Expanding Apatowpia

For those of you joining the program late, "Apatowpia" is the category dedicated to the work of writer/filmmaker Judd Apatow (Freaks& Geeks, Undeclared, Superbad, Knocked Up, etc) and his repertory group of non-traditionally appealing actors/characters, many of whom are Jewish and all of whom are reinventing the classical definition of male movie star.

Yes, Seth Rogen. We've been over that. (Not over him, heaven forfend--we've just covered it, and still believe he should go on a Birthright Israel trip.) And even before seeing the preview screening of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," which I caught with a friend last week, you only had to see Jason Segel's Freaks and Geeks character (see the "Lady L" clip below, co-starring Rogen) or even his portrayal of married friend Marshall (yes, a strange coincidence...or not...) on "How I Met Your Mother" to know that this guy deserves to be a huge star. (Even if only literally--dude is 6'7 or something.)

In this article in the Jewish Journal, we meet director Nicholas Stoller, whose first directing effort ("Marshall") will rocket Segel to Rogen-stardom. Stoller also talks about his Jewish identity, and reveals that a future Stoller/Segel writing project features an interfaith wedding:

"The Jewish character is an atheist, but he suddenly becomes very religious when someone suggests a priest officiate at the wedding,"Stoller said.

Needless to say, I can't wait.

Short-Attention Span Theater: Semi-Recent News Edition

Because it's a busy week, I present "The headlines I've read in my Google Alerts and my responses to them."

"Rudd Heaps Israel Praise" (Independent Online - Cape Town, South Africa): They mean the Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd. Call me when Paul Rudd's praising Israel.

"Apatow Nets Sandler, Rogen and Mann For Upcoming Feature" (RottenTomatoes): Duh. Apatow wrote "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" with Sandler, is married to Mann, and is basically even more married (at least professionally) to Rogen. What would be news is if I were "netted" for this upcoming feature.

"Demi Moore Poses With Daughters for Family Portrait" (Hiphop-elements): On aging..."When I look back in the mirror, the reflection I see isn't so bad, because I'm seeing the beauty of my whole being and my whole life." Me too.

"Ashton Kutcher Sued For Stealing Show Anna Nicole Smith Copyrighted And Pitched 3 Years Ago" (Aishamusic.com): Really? And it's not "Beauty and the Geek"?

"Should You Be Injecting Vitamin B-12 Into Your Ass?" (RadarOnline): It's a free country. But here we vote. And I vote no. Just because Madge did it to JT doesn't make it a mitzvah.

Going On Record: My Fantasy Charity Bid

Having watched the extended version of "Superbad" this weekend (complete with all the DVD extras, which were hi-larious, including an early table read with Seth Rogen playing "Seth" and Jason Segel playing "Jonah"), I can officially proclaim that if I ever enter one of those auctions of celebrity encounters for charity--if I ever have the money to purchase said prize package, that is--what I want is a chance to hang out with Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, Evan Goldberg, Jason Segel and the rest of that gang of crazy guys.

Ideally, such an experience would allow me the immersion experience of dealing with those guys and the on-set hilarity that I witnessed in the DVD extras--so it can be a table read, a day on the set, or a writers' meeting. I'm not picky. If they want to give me a role at the table read, I'm totally happy with that. Sure they scare me a little bit, but in order to overcome your fears, you have to face them.

But did you notice something about that list of dudes? Yep, it's a list of dudes. Maybe what I need is to steal some of the supporting female players (who are they again? That's our first roadblock, right there...) and start our own renegade raunchy comedy factory. Then the Kustanowitz Gangsta-rettes (or [INSERT COOLER NAME HERE]) will meet the Apatowpians for a comedy smackdown. They're funny because they're smart, and we're smart because we're funny, or something like that. They talk about how the film Munich inspires them to get lucky; we'll one-up you and write a scene about how the film Schindler's List can help you find your bashert. There's enough Spielberg to go around, bitches, and we've got a singles crisis to solve...

OK, maybe it's time for sleep now. Maybe.

[Judd! Seth! Etc....Call me!]

"Have You Met Ted?"--Josh Radnor Owns Up to Jewish Roots

If you're one of the likely thousands of Jewish viewers who tunes in weekly to "How I Met Your Mother," hoping that the answer to the titular situation is "through JDate," here's a word of encouragement--if not about the character's religious roots, then about the actor who portrays him.

Although I'm not sure how he escaped detection by Jewish media outlets eager to embrace the nice, funny Jewish boys of prime time and cinema (see also "Braff, Zach" and "Rogen, Seth"--plus, I'm predicting, Jason Segel, pictured second from left) until now, here's HIMYM's lead actor Josh Radnor (Ted Mosby) profiled in the Forward (in photo, sitting in the chair), and revealing his Jewish communal connections (Columbus Torah Academy, Livnot, Reboot) in a way that pretty much guarantees he'll soon be receiving fundraising phone calls from alumni associations.

Writes writer Rebecca Spence, who apparently got to go visit Radnor in his home in the Hollywood Hills:

He is among the mafia of Hollywood writers and actors who, like Sacha Baron Cohen before him, spent their childhoods at Jewish camps and Jewish day schools. A Midwest native, Radnor grew up in Bexley, Ohio, which he describes as a “30% Jewish suburb.” He attended Columbus Torah Academy through the eighth grade, and in 1997, he studied in Israel on the Livnot program. In one sense, his religious education may have informed his passion for the theater. “I’ve always loved sitting around, reading text and talking about it,” he said, noting that it’s something he first learned how to do while parsing Jewish texts. “I’ve thought, ‘You know, I would have been a good yeshiva bokher.’”

This winter, Radnor spent three days in Paradise, Texas, with some 60 others, including Amichai Lau-Lavie, founder and director of the Jewish theater company Storahtelling. “The thing I love about Reboot,” Radnor said, “is that it’s a genuinely conflicted place. If there’s one thing I love about Judaism, it’s that ‘wrestling with angels’ aspect.”

Well, first of all, shame on Amichai for not introducing me. But secondly, if Radnor ever wants some chevruta time or to read a great new Jewish magazine for our generation, he knows who to call. I've also got a local gal/HIMYM fan who'd love to meet him. And if he'd like a place to crash in Israel this summer, he should give me a call and he can drop by the ROI Summit (applications due this Friday!). Believe me, it would be legen--wait for it...wait for it...--dary.

"Knocked Up" and the Jews (JTA)

This is another piece of mine that originally appeared on the JTA blog, "Good for the Jews." (May it rest in peace.)

'Knocked Up' and the Jews
By Esther D. Kustanowitz

So you're sitting there in the darkened theater, excited to see "Knocked Up," which has been hailed by pretty much everyone as one of the most hilarious, edgy, envelope-pushing comedies of the year. And you're enjoying it quite a bit when all of a sudden, there it is like a thunderbolt – an overt conversation about Jewish identity in a completely secular context.

Those of you who are concerned that this might constitute a spoiler, turn off for the next paragraph. Or just watch the clip on YouTube. [clip has been removed, unfortunately]

So what I've learned from watching this film is that when a group of Jewish guys goes to a bar to drink and pick up women, it's bound to become a discussion of how Jews are depicted on film. For those of you who can't view YouTube video on your computers, get a new computer. But for your benefit, here's a summary, with expletives deleted.

Ben (Seth Rogen) is sitting around a bar with his friends, played by Jason Segel, Jay Baruchel and Jonah Hill (and named Jason, Jay and Jonah, respectively), talking about how awesome the movie "Munich" was. In other movies, he notes animatedly, Jews are always getting killed, but in "Munich," Eric Bana plays a Mossad agent who kicks major ass. Ben says that if any of them get lucky that night it's because of Eric Bana. Then they start making fun of the only non-Jew in the bunch, who says "I'm glad I'm not Jewish." Ben counters, "So are we," adding later, "You weren't chosen for a reason."

Throughout the film there are additional such shout-outs to being Jewish, including one random, facial hair-provoked reference to Matisyahu. But on the whole, such references are cultural, and the main obstacle to the union between the two characters is not religion but lifestyle – he's a slacker, she's a career girl. One might be tempted to read several things into the premise for the movie: that schlubby guys who are really good-hearted people deserve tall, gorgeous blondes, or that Jewish stoner guys can attain a previously unattainable ideal. Or we could use the onscreen moments of Jewish identity discussion to provoke a larger discussion.

Of course, there's yet another way to derive something from "Knocked Up": Just sit back and enjoy one of the funniest films of the year.

"Run Judd, Run!"--"Walk Hard" promo, Apatow-style

I love all these guys. Although I do take exception to Craig's claim that he never gives up, because he did give up on a very dark, water-filled tunnel in Jerusalem this summer. But that was totally fair--I gave up on that sucker too.

That's some good hat tip, Harry.

Know Your Fogels

I know. You're confusing your Fogels. But don't worry, I'm here to explain everything.

To cover them in (rough) order of contemporary prominence, let's begin with Fogell, or as he's known in "Superbad," (say it with me now) "McLovin'." (Cue the Rogen: "Sounds like a sexy hamburger.") Fogell, arguably Superbad's breakout character, is based on a real guy named Sammy Fogell who grew up with co-writers Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, and is now a (cute) real estate analyst based in Vancouver. Word has it that Fogell, Rogen and Goldberg had many pivotal school experiences together, like  trying to buy beer, attempting to impress girls, and drinking Polyjuice potion so they could resemble older, legal liquor store patrons.

Jared Fogle, star of the Subway ads who made us think that eating sandwiches is a good way to lose weight. It's worked for Fogle, who used to weigh 425 pounds, and slimmed down considerably using Subway's sandwiches, now a pitchman for his own foundation to help overweight kids. His transformation into an Animagus is of immense help in maintaining his new healthy weight, because it burns immense numbers of calories.

Dan Fogelberg, the classic singer responsible for the plaintive pianoing of "Same Auld Lang Syne," the song that will make you annually regret the things you haven't done, the paths not taken, and the loves not experienced before you accept your fate and return to your boring, unromantic life. If you want to know every detail of Fogelberg's life, check this extensive bio, which may be longer than the seventh Harry Potter book, and definitely contains fewer Horcruxes.

Dan Fogler is a Tony-Award winner for the role he created in the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee. But most of you know him as the star of the latest movie that Christopher Walken didn't say no to, "Balls of Fury." When J.K. Rowling returns from retirement (I'm predicting after the 2010 wrap of the HP films) and writes the prequels, Dan Fogler will be cast as Hagrid. There's simply no question.

Next up is John Fugelsang, an actor and standup comedian who hosts shows like America's Funniest Home Videos and the World Series of Blackjack. There are unconfirmed reports that this fall, he may be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts, but I'm not sure.

So that's it for this installment of "Know Your Fogels." Did I miss your favorite Fogel? Or Fogler? Or Fogell? Do share with the class. After all, I can't look into a Pensieve and know what you're thinking.

[And yes, I did finally finish the Harry Potter series. Why do you ask?]

'Tis the Season/"A Holiday Wish"

MyUrbanKvetch is free. JDaters Anonymous is free. You are free to come here and read and comment without any financial compensation. This is, was, and always will be true.

But since December's here and it's the season, and the blogpeople have started to post their Wish Lists, and because I just got my first "seasonal contribution to my tip jar" in the mail, and because a few people have asked, here's the post that tells you how to do it, whatever your budget and inclination.

a) The WishList from Amazon.
b) The JetBlue gift card.
c) Donations to PayPal.
d) A gift certificate to Barnes & Noble, Old Navy or The Gap.
e) Walk-on/supporting player roles on "How I Met Your Mother" or in any upcoming Christopher Guest or Judd Apatow production.
f) When your friends and clients say, "Hey, I wish I knew a writer/editor," you say, "Hey, do you know Esther?" (I'm happy to announce I now also offer help with college application essays...)
f) Continued visitation to this site, comments, and linkages.

No gifts are necessary this holiday season. But you asked, so there it is. And if the clip had existed on YouTube, I'd have posted it here, but in absentia thereof, please accept this paltry text version of Steve Martin's famous "A Holiday Wish," delivered so many years ago on SNL...Happy holidays, everyone!

Steve Martin: "If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

If I had two wishes I could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.

You know, if I had three wishes I could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to me, and the third would be for encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe.

And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, I can't think of her name. Of course my lovely wife can come too and she's behind me one hundred percent here, I guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if I made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who am I kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go.

First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, I need revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be my fourth wish. And, of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.

Thank you everybody and Merry Christmas."