There is so much to be sad about in thinking of a world without "30 Rock." No more blergs. No more "nerds!" No more theres that you want to go to. No more Frank hats. No more flashbacks to Liz and Jenna's improv days. No more virtuoso performances by Alec Baldwin as he roleplays Tracy's parents in therapy or delivers the most amazing eulogy ever uttered. Sad stuff.
But since I live in Hollywood-focused Los Angeles now, I have to admit that I'm also personally sad - now I’ll never have a motivation to finish the spec script for the show that I started a few years ago. And since no one will ever see that finished product, I’m happy to share a portion of the synopsis for what would have been - by far - the Jewiest episode of the sitcom, an ep I had tentatively titled “Tracy Converts to Judaism.” Who knows? Maybe it will end up in a Purim spiel one day.
EPISODE PARTIAL SYNOPSIS: "TRACY CONVERTS TO JUDAISM"
SPEC SCRIPT - "30 ROCK" - BY ESTHER D. KUSTANOWITZ
Tracy Jordan decides to become a Jew for Passover because he found out that the Easter bunny isn’t real and he feels betrayed by Jesus. He purges the office of bread and cake – much to the horror of Liz Lemon - and insists that the cast and writers script a model seder, which will be attended solely by models. Tracy bans bread and baked goods in commemoration of Passover, and Jenna and Liz team up and plot to sabotage the seder through guerilla improv theater.
Kenneth finds them and goes to Jack to alert him that Mr. Jordan is playing with hellfire for embracing Judaism over Christianity. Jack mistakes Kenneth’s piety for a legal threat of religious persecution litigation against GE, and to counterprogram in a way that satisfies equal time for religious beliefs, suggests that Kenneth hold a competing production, a Passion play with help from underused TGS writers, none of whom have any religious school education. What ensues is a theatrical production which is an amalgam between pop culture and the frayed threads of various religious traditions.
There’s more to the synopsis, and I've even written four scenes (which, as I'm reading the above, I realize are much funnier - and interestingly, less Jewy - than the synopsis), but I’ll save it all for a rainy, 30-Rockless Thursday, when I’m missing the TGS gang, and wishing to revisit the halcyon days of NBC workplace antics - helmed by a wacky, geeky, Star-Wars-loving misfit of an everywoman who juggles it all at the expense of herself, but emerges with everything she's ever wanted. Probably. (Haven't seen the finale yet.)
"30 Rock," I'll miss you. Please launch Tina Fey to other projects soon and let her host lots of other award shows and stuff. Amen. And in closing, blerg.