Today's hottest club is Purrrimmmm. It's got ancient scrolls, triangular cookies with fillings inside them, crazy wooden noisemakers, men dressed as women, women dressed as social media sites, couples in Jersey Shore costumes, people pretending to be pop stars...
But how do you know if you're at Purrrimmm?
Do you see...
People dressed as websites? Websites are all the rage. For the last 15 years or so. But the great thing is that new websites pop up EVERY year. Three years ago, I went as my Facebook profile, joining a number of "Facebook walls" at the party. While some people are too cutting edge, finding websites that no one has heard of, others may choose a throwback ("Hi! I'm Friendster! I was a good idea, but couldn't scale!"), which although extremely creative is probably not obvious.
Men dressed as women? Purim is an opportunity to turn the world upside down, so if a man has ever said to a woman, "High heels aren't a big deal...I could totally wear them," here's his chance to prove himself right (or plummet to serious injury, like the risk some of us take every time we put our shoes on).
Rabbis dressed as priests and nuns, or cheerleaders, beauty queens or farm animals? I know this seems like a broad span, but I've noted this trend far and wide. Men (and women) of the cloth love to dress in cloths of different men (and women) of the cloth. I'm not sure what this is about, nor am I sure what's going on with the sexy rabbis or the farm animal rabbis. But this happens a lot. So I'm reporting it, so it doesn't shock you too much if you see it.
People dressed as celebrities (and celebrity trainwrecks)? This is a broad category, likely to this year include everything from Charlie Sheen (bearing a flask marked "tiger blood" and yelling "Winning!" every five seconds) to Lady Gaga (hopefully in a non-meat dress) and from pregnant Snooki (I'm predicting) to Angelina's leg.
People dressed as iDevices? Look for the nearest person dressed as an iPad, then tell them about today's presentation by Apple and be sure to inform them that they're already obsolete. Or, find a person dressed as an iPhone, and try to "unlock them" by swiping your finger across - oh, never mind.
Have you ingested...
The right drinks in the right order? Liquor after wine, always fine? Followed by wine before beer, in the clear? Followed by - oh, who remembers...what? Long Island Iced Tea with a Chardonnay chaser? That seems like a good idea, right?
Something you would never normally eat? Lactose intolerance? Not tonight, not if there's pizza. And as for candy, you may not like Red Vines, but in a town where they've run out of Twizzlers, you find yourself drawn to the more cylindrical waxy tubes of Vines, alluringly displayed in a clear canister. Just one becomes just one more, and soon, you find yourself saying, "I don't even like these...why am I eating them?" And then there's the hamantashen, in every flavor under the sun. You try one, hoping for chocolate or prune, and then get poppy. But instead of spitting it out and running to find the nearest toothbrush, you swallow that mouthful, maybe try it again, or start over with a different hamantash. Although you may find justification ("I'm using them to soak up the alcohol in my stomach") you'll lose count somewhere around 3 hamantash units, but won't stop eating till somewhere around 11 of them.
Look around. Are you currently in...
A synagogue social hall with dim lighting, candles or electric lights, and a DJ who's spinning tunes you can feel bass-thumping in your feet? You know it's not a night club, but you'd never convince the organizers. But it doesn't matter. You don't have to. Just relax, listen to the story of the Megillah, and have fun connecting with impulses you may stifle year-round. And if even that sounds to revelrous for your mood, know that among the messages of Purim is that even if you are in a time of suffering, that time will not last forever and fortunes can turn on their heads in a moment.
Wishing you all a happy and meaningful Purim.
(And check out my costume from the last two years, "The Cliches of JDate.")