What's your SimchasTorah Score?
Print out this blog entry and use it as a checklist after the holiday. If you can check every entry, you WIN! Or lose. Something like that. (Chag sameach!)
Things to Look for on Simchat Torah on the Upper West Side
1. Ultra-Orthodox Jews peering down the block at mixed dancing-with-Torahs circles.
2. Your ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend).
3. Israelis on cell phones.
4. A blind date who doesn't remember you.
5. People you knew in high school who ignore you when they see you.
6. A throng.
7. A thong. Or inappropriate shul cleavage.
8. Getting pushed by people who don't apologize, and having your toes pierced by a dancing stiletto.
9. People "wearing" Israeli flags as mantles around their shoulders.
10. A drunk guy, about to drop the Torah he's holding in favor of the flask in his pocket.
11. Children who run around tying together the tzitzit strings on the talitot of the older men in the congregation.
12. Awkward hellos from people you kind of know but don't necessarily want or have time to stop and talk to.
13. Sweat stains.
14. Non-Jews hanging out of their windows, spectating as the Jews dance in the streets.
15. Scotch. Scotchy Scotch Scotch.
16. Someone who lives in another state or country and logically shouldn't be in New York.
17. Someone who you wish would live in another state or country so they logically shouldn't be in New York.
18. Someone you're really glad to see.
19. The dude (or chick) that your friend's been bugging you to meet.
20. Black, over the calf boots. Even if it's 85 degrees. Because Simchat Torah is supposed to be in the fall, so we can all wear our black, over the calf boots.