Sunday Riddle Revealed

Thanks to everyone for your responses to the riddle from a few weeks ago, where Our Heroine was asked for money...and now, it's time for the riddle to be revealed:

Thanks to Pearatty, who sent me the link to Miss Manners' response:

You need only say, "Sorry, I can't help" and move on, saving the speaker the necessity of making a full-length pitch in vain. Miss Manners is even sorrier about the necessity of concluding that someone in apparent distress must necessarily be a con artist.

Sure, that's what I should have done.

But, being either sucker or sweetheart, or maybe a little bit of both, I gave him money. He asked for $8. I gave him $5. That's more than I've ever given anyone on the street or in the subway at one pop. I told him I'd be at the Starbucks for four hours, and if he wanted to, he could drop by to pay me back the money. I was there for four hours. And you know who never showed up? That's right.

Look, I never expected him to come back with the money. And I certainly wasn't going to give him my address so he could bring the money over in the middle of the night with a big long knife. So I do have a brain. But I don't think erring on the side of helping someone out is necessarily the wrong thing to do.

I asked my rabbinical blog bud Rabbi Fleischmann if there was a precedent for either giving or not giving such a person money, and he noted that "the Rambam (Maimonides) writes that it's better to give a penny a hundred times than a dollar once because you are thus teaching your hand to give."  Ah yes, but then the wino-on-the-street has to carry around pennies until he finds one of those Coinstar machines.

The bottom line, if there is one: I'm uncomfortable when someone on the street asks me for money. I don't like being reminded that even though I bellyache about my inability to afford tickets for Wicked and Avenue Q or my exorbitant rent on a studio that has no right to cost so much, a dollar here and there does not make a difference in my daily life. And that means that I'm wealthier and luckier than a lot of people, even if luck and wealth and happiness are all relative.

I gave him the money. And I feel a little foolish for having done so. But giving what I can where I'm asked for it is something that I'm not ashamed of. I only hope that my giving makes a difference in some small, stupid way.

And that's how this particular Sunday riddle was resolved.

Comments

[Gatsby]

I liked the solution of "I'll be in starbucks for four hours". It sort of puts his honesty on the table.
You were generous and honest, and he took advantage of that, although I suppose there is a slight possibility he was telling the truth, just couldn't get back.
Either way, it's good of you to think of others. I have lots of issues with panhandlers. I never know whether to give or not. It's probably better to give to a charity that helps the homeless. Who knows?

[Petitedov]

First of all this just shows what a good heart you have. Second of all i love Judaism and all its quirky answers to everyday problems. No shame in erring on side of goodness. Thanks for the update.

[annabel lee]

You're a very good person. Can a woman be a mensch? (Or would that be a "womensch"?) 'Cause you are.

[writersbloc gal]

you shouldn't feel foolish. you did a kind and charitable thing. it's on his conscience, if he has one... and the rest should work itself out. your kindness, that you shouldn't ever feel foolish about. not enough of it out there.

[Coelecanth]

Nobody likes to be a chump. You weren't one however. You did a good thing despite knowing the likelihood it was a scam. A chump is someone who's suckered unknowingly. You're a good person, full stop.

[Michael Loewinger]

My grandmother was a victim of a similar scam. She didn't realize it until the next year when the same person tried it on here again. On the bright side, you probably benefitted and he probably didn't.

[Jennifer]

I hate being asked for money by strangers on the street too. Even if I have money, or not, I sure as hell don't feel comfortable pulling out my wallet in public and handing it out. Nor do I carry "spare change" around in a pocket (I'm a girl, what pockets are in my clothes?), and if I have spare change, I'm saving it for the laundry anyway.

Especially since I actually got manhandled by panhandlers (in little ol' Davis, CA, if you can believe it!) once, I just do NOT want to get close enough to them to give them money. But when I admit this stuff, people think I'm an asshole for not giving.

*sigh*

Ironically, I myself was (albeit temporarily) homeless when the panhandlers started grabbing me. They probably wouldn't have believed me if I'd told them I was in the same situation they were in.

[Nani]

the excuse i generally use is the one about the different levels of charity from the talmud, that the best kind of charity is when neither the giver nor the reciever knows the identity of the other. but it's not just a excuse...i firmly believe it to be true.

[Some Loser]

Along the lines of what Michael Loewinger posted I think the examination of this issue you did in your own mind is to you well worth the five spot. But if it happens again say "sorry not today" you've gained enough and to go through this again the marginal gain isnt there.

[Barefoot Jewess]

Coooool! I knew you were a soft touch! I'm actually touched by what you did.

When I was flush, I gave money to all and sundry- better to err on the side of being made a fool of, I figure, than to do someone dirt. I am sure I got taken advantage of more than once. Perhaps it's in the knowing it that makes us pause the next time?

Anyone who gives in the face of potential mortification is aces in my books! Go, Esther!

[rabbifleischmann]

Well done.

[T_M]

Next time it will be a genuine need by a genuine person, so don't lose faith and don't become less charitable next time.