Ladies and gentlemen, the reason we have a "Karaoke Kraziness" category is stories like this one:
An enraged Brit spent 24 hours in jail and was fined 60 quid for terminating a Bulgarian karaoke with his fists - a small price to pay for bringing to an end a tuneless rendition of Queen's We are the Champions belted out by a couple of melodicidal locals.
Having assaulted the two men responsible for the outrage, 40-year-old Kevin Tester of Eastbourne proceeded to trash the Techhouse karaoke restaurant in the Black Sea holiday resort of Sunny Beach. He later told police he had been provoked by the "bad singing" and "bad English", Ananova reports.
First of all, an "enraged Brit"? What would that look like? (Had to play to national stereotypes, sorry. It's over now.) I keep picturing Anthony Stewart Head as Giles taking off his glasses, and cleaning them, and looking rather constipated at the tones entering his ears. But that's just me.
If he got this bent out of shape over "We Are the Champions" (not an easy song to sing, by the way), we should all be thankful it wasn't "Paradise By the Dashboard Light."
I'm sympathetic. There have been cases, both of "bad singing" and certainly of "bad English," that have fueled an urge that could be described as slightly violent. But that's in America. This happened in Bulgaria--why should he expect Bulgarians to speak perfect English? When I was in Israel, at a karaoke bar in Tel Aviv somewhere, and people sang "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" in Israeli-accented English, I didn't go ballistic. In fact, I thought it was kind of cute.
I guess I'm pretty tolerant, as karaoke goes. I recognize it's an opportunity for the rest of us, the ones who aren't American Idol-worthy, to have our three minutes on stage, regardless of our talent or mastery of English. The first time I did karaoke had a huge impact on me, as some of you know. Without it, I would never have had the guts to do improv, and if I hadn't taken improv classes, my life would be very different today. In fact, I'd probably be a librarian and you wouldn't even be reading this.
So please, citizens of the world...allow your fellow karaoke enthusiasts to slaughter whatever song they wish to execute. If you hate their rendition of your favorite song, pick that moment to use the facilities, or order another drink, or check your voice mail. But let them have their moment. And for Jebus's sake, don't pummel them.