Madonna to Bless Brit's Babe

MADONNA AND BRITNEY: THE KABBALICIOUS RECAP

Madonna hearts Kabbalah. She gets the best seats in shul even when she's late.
Britney is a Madonna wannabe.
Britney is knocked up by dancer/husband Cris Judd Kevin ("Keep on pushing my love over the") Federline ("Federline...feels like I'm going to lose my mind...").
Britney says I used to be "like a virgin," but now "I'm keepin' my baby."
Said baby is arriving in September and may or may not be twins.
Britney hearts Madonna (possibly more than she hearts Federline, but that's another story entirely).

Of course, no relationship is without conflict. First, there was that whole incident with Madonna telling Britney that she doesn't have time to be the baby's godmother. (Don't forget to refresh your memory with the secret phone transcripts, available here.) Now there's a report that Madonna is recording with "recording with Britney's rumored nemesis, Christina Aguilera." (Where is this report, you ask? Good question. The link's gone. But if'n I find it, I'll repost it.)

Still, with all the dissent, when it comes right down to it, Britney and Madge are kabbalah sisters. So it may not be a surprise to learn that Madonna will likely be blessing Brit's baby when the child arrives. She is apparently "eager to enlist the pop princess's child into the following." If Madge "enlists" seven members, she does get a free toaster, so here's hopin'. (It's a really good toaster.)

There is no word on whether, should the Federline offspring be of the male variety, a bris will be involved. (Headline: "Madonna Performs Bris-ney"? "The Material Mohel"?)

According to the article, a source explained, "Madge introduced her to the faith and Britney keeps ringing her to find out more."

See? I told you.

"Britney has become more and more intrigued by Madonna's way of life and beliefs," the article reported. Like her belief that "Swept Away" was going to be more like "Evita" and less like "Shanghai Surprise." Or her way of life as a Detroit-born American who now suddenly has a British accent.

Boy, I never get tired of this story.

Comments

[Madonna]

Madonna has gone... Ohh, you know the line. :P

While I really, really miss the old me, let's face it: Esther Madge of 2005 is rapidly approaching Shatner status - the gift that keeps on giving, and never ceases to make you laugh. It honestly seems like everytime Esther Madge speaks up anymore, it's a 97 on the unintentional comedy scale...

Maybe she should go back to exposing her breasts.

[Barefoot Jewess]

I have a personal vendetta against Madonna ever since she used tefillin replications in a video. I am still pissed.

Hence, have you heard that she may not have written her books without help?

http://www.publishersweekly.com/article/CA624678.html

Re: Madge approaching Shatner status- bwahahaha! I hope she will make it so!

[Esther]

Barefoot, thanks for the tip...it's already covered in my Madonnanthology.

And Madonna, my friend...what can I say? You're right. She's loopy. And I love it.

[Madonna]

The more I think about the book controversy, the more I think it was a two-way street: Esther Ritchie gets help writing her books, and the ones turning Kabbalah into a cult religion get to spread their doctrine using Madonna's name to "give it credibility". Everyone wins.

She is definitely approaching Shatner status, except unlike Shatner (at least today's William Shatner), she isn't hamming it up on purpose. She's more like late 60's, early 70's Shatner, when he'd try to record an album or do something real stupid on TV. Much like how the late James Doohan came to the conclusion he is and will always be Scotty, and learned to enjoy it, Shatner realized he is a ham and learned to enjoy it, hence his antics today.

Esther Madge Ritchie has become a ham, without trying to or even realizing what she's doing.

The Real Esther: She's definitely become very loopy. Maybe she doesn't know what to do anymore without wild sexual behavior. Maybe she's become warped by Kabbalah. Or even the result of her experimenting with pot in 1994 for a movie role? All I know is that while sometimes I really miss the old Madonna, there are other times when the Other Esther really brings some amusement into my life.

Hell, without her loopiness, I would've never reinvented myself. So, I can't say it's a bad thing. :P