TomKat: The Post I'll Live to Regret

This is the stuff of solid rumor. There's enough in absurd specifics (Asian pilot in Chicago? Rob Thomas's wife Marisol? Lindsay Lohan?) to make you think, "no...but wait...maybe..."

Generally, this is the kind of information I'd never pass along. Especially if it was about "real people." But it's about celebrities, who live their lives under a microscope anyway. And if they're gonna do things that merit my creation of a "Hall of Celebrity Weirdness" category on this site, then maybe they belive that saying about there being no such thing as bad publicity. (Plus, a Google search confirms that I'm not the first one to pass this on, so when it's all lies, don't blame me.)

My secret tipster (who can have a link if he wants to "out himself" as said Deep Throat) forwarded this from a friend of his. From here on in, none of these words are mine. They all came directly and completely unverified and unedited from the forwarded email. That means that the "friend of mine" is not a friend of mine, but of whoever the anonymous source was to begin with...Snarky observations in the comments section, please...

And for those of you new to My Urban Kvetch, please stay, visit and comment while you're here. I've got great categories, covering everything from religion to television (which you could argue, is its own religion)--check out the Madonnanthology for the Material Girl's wacky Kabbalah antics or the Much Ado About Whedon for, umm...Whedonism. Or Bratpackcetera for...well, you catch my drift. I'm sure I don't have to tell you what's filed under May the Force Be With Us. Oh yeah, I also post at Jdaters Anonymous and Jewlicious.--EDK

THE UNVERIFIED (AND LIKELY UTTERLY FALSE) EMAIL:

A friend of mine just got  back from LA and heard this scoop about Tom & Katie from someone who works  at Universal. The source said that they (Tom & Katie) have a 5-year contract and he's paying her $8 million. The engagement happened so fast  because Rob Thomas' (Matchbox 20) wife caught Rob and and Tom in bed together  and they rushed the engagement so that it would overshadow that scandal. Obv., take it with a grain of salt. Read below. This was just  published.

Independent Sources

Bureaucrats?Independent  Sources Confirms Existence of Tom Cruise/Rob Thomas Rumor Independent Sources  announced today that it has uncovered a new, previously undiscovered Tom  Cruise rumor: Tom Cruise and Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas are lovers!  Independent Sources has hesitated writing about Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes for many reasons. First, there are other things going on in the world that, believe it or not, rank higher on the importance scale. Second, pretty much everything that can be said is
being said.

However, someone (I'll call  her Mistress of the Hollywood Rumor) just walked into Insider's office with  the following dish that I feel compelled to pass on. I did a quick check of Technorati and it wasn't there. So even if it is not true, it is at least  original. No doubt that anyone with an Internet connection has read about Tom  Cruise being gay. According to rumor lore, he has had a long-time boyfriend in Chicago who is an Asian pilot for American Airlines. This is an accusation  that Cruise and more importantly Cruise's many attorneys vehemently deny.

There have been many stories that supposedly corroborate his sexuality but never a smoking gun. Rumor mongers attribute this to the fact  that Cruise goes to great lengths to cover his tracks. We are told that  everyone around him signs extensive confidentiality contracts with enormous penalties for indiscretion. (Exhibit A: the 8-page confidentiality contract  Cruise's housekeeper was forced to sign).

Such stories have been around  for years and Cruise has evidently attempted to counter them with a series of  high-profile heteronormative relationships. First, Nicole Kidman, then Penelope Cruz, and most recently Katie Holmes. In each instance, the "relationship" is actually a contract that gives the women a boost to their  careers, a lot of money, and an elegant lifestyle.

Here is where this  particular rumor gets interesting. Not long ago, Marisol, he wife of Matchbox  Twenty's Rob Thomas (who has had to contend with his own rumors of  bi-sexuality) found her husband in bed with Tom Cruise causing Cruise's  people to shift into high gear. First, Mrs. Rob Thomas was bought off for an  undetermined sum. Second, Cruise and his handlers set out to immediately find Cruise a girlfriend. Second-tier actresses were targeted. A list was drawn up  with Jessica Alba (#1 pick) and three other girls who fell out for various reasons.
Originally targeted (#3 I think) but later rejected as "undesirable"  was rumor queen Lindsay Lohan. Way down at #5 on the list was Katie Holmes,  but that was the one with whom they were able to strike a deal.

Once the contact was signed, photo ops were set up, leaks were made to the right places, and we've had celebrity relationship on steroids ever since. One thing  I will credit this rumor for is how it nicely explains Tom's behavior this  past few months-including the couch jumping episode on Oprah. Cruise simply  didn't have time for the Holmes rumors to circulate at its normal speed and he  couldn't allow it to be second page news while the tabloids focused on Brad, Jennifer and Angelina. No, this relationship had to immediately become the  "it" topic.

Well, that's how we hear it.

Comments

[C]

you so trashy ;)

[Rahulio]

The Rahulio he says Ha! The Tom Cruise is such a little funny man, always doing the overcompensating.

[Dina]

This is the funniest thing I've ever read and Tom Cruise gets on my nerves so bad, I hope this whole thing ends with a bang so loud that I never hear about him again.

[Erin]

I can't believe you don't have more comments on this post. I referred a friend over here, who thought it was as hilarious as I did. :)

[Esther]

I know, Erin...it's amazing to me as well. Traffic doubled, and comments reduced in volume by like a jillion percent. I can't explain it. Maybe people had to rush to cars, buses and airpots to go away for the weekend...

Happy 4th to all...

[K]

TomKat is queer.
Had a "meeting" with him several years ago.

[X]

This reminds me of the rumor that TC's first marriage ended because Mimi Rodgers found Tom in bed with her brother.

[anonymous]

Anagram for Katie Holmes is TOM LIKES A HE

[miviadominguez]

war of the worlds, what a piece of junk.....tell tom it's over for him as an actor. i'm surprise and disappointed in spielberg in his poor direction as a director in this stupid movie outlandish etc. fuck no wonder people have stop going and pay ridiulas money for such unbelievable crap.......

[Madonna]

This rumor is nothing new - I heard identical ones over both of his previous marriages - that his "wives" signed contracts, and not only were paid, but had the benefit of a career boost thanks to being "Mrs. Tom Cruise".

For the life of me, I don't understand it (if this is true): This is supposed to be the 21st century, and he's an entertainer, for crying out loud. If he's gay, why not come out? Why keep doing this?

I like that anagram, by the way - almost as much as I like Occasional Nude Income being an anagram for Madonna Louise Ciccone.

[angelic]

its just a rumor..about rob thomas anyway...i dont know about cruise

[renee]

Heard the same rumor from my friend who's uncle told him. Shame shame shame. Sounds like Tom should start rethinking his opinions about psychiatry, he could use some. You have to wonder why he's all of a sudden in the public eye. Him and Nicole K. weren't that Benniferish!

[Esther]

Jebus. I've been Wikipedialinked. I knew this would be what I was remembered for...

[Dennis]

I think if Tom wanted to really be career minded, he would have forgotten about Katie Holmes, inked a contract with Jake Gylenhaal and put an end to the rumors once and for all.

[wayne curley]

you really think Tom Cruise would go to such extreme lengths to hid his sexually?Its possible but unlikely,if he did ever come out it will be when he is in his sixties and no body cares.I dont really care if he is or is not.I would still go and watch his films.So if your gay Tom come out or otherwise stop threatening law suits when someone acuses you of being gay. It just adds fuel to the fire.

hes as gay as elton john

[robert lee]

he is gay but who cares

[jamie]

I dont think Tom is gay, he is just really good looking and people are jealous. Rob is just as hot and married. Not gay.

[Jamie]

no way is rob thomas gay!!!

[Kim]

no way is ROB THOMAS GAY... TOm on the other hand??? hmmm probally so!

[G.W.]

I don't really give a damn about Tom Cruise's sexuality anymore. The only reason it ever came into question was the HOT factor of Rice's "Interview with the Vampire", and the scenes with Brad Pitt. Since Pitt is DEFINITELY NOT gay, it had to be pinned on someone... However, Tom does do some pretty stupid and camera-starved things to "show his public love" for his beard, er... wife, Katie Holmes. So, I don't know what to believe. Personally, I've always liked to think that Rob Thomas(of Matchbox 20) was bisexual or at least bi-kinky, but that's only because I want him for myself... I just say, 'Let it go,' and maybe someday hypocrisy will rest enough to let whoever might be gay and trapped in the limelight out there to come out and play... Still in love with you, Rob...